How To Make People Respect You Charisma on Command English (auto-generated) English

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Howto & Style 4.6M views 124K likes 3.5K dislikes 15 Jan 2018

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we often think that getting respect and being aggressive go hand in hand because

We often think that getting respect and being aggressive go hand in hand

unfortunately it's often the bully that gets the most respect in the school yard

because unfortunately, it's often the bully that gets the most respect in the schoolyard and even in the workplace.

and even in the workplace but jordan peterson is an exemplar of a

But Jordan Peterson is an exemplar of a different way

different way to generate massive amounts of respect so in this

to generate massive amounts of respect so in this video,

video we're going to explore three main things that he does that force people to respect you without

we're going to explore three main things that he does that force people to respect you without being a bully.

being a bully but you can't force me to respect you it's just not possible

...but you can't force me to respect you; it's just not possible.

okay maybe not force but perhaps make

Okay, maybe not forced.

people much more likely to respect you

But perhaps make people much more likely to respect you so let's dive into it.

so let's dive into it the first thing that dr peterson does is called pacing your reality so even

The first thing that Dr. Peterson does is called "pacing your reality."

when he doesn't share your beliefs he shows that he can understand why you might think the things that you do

So even when he doesn't share your beliefs, he shows that he can understand why you might think the things that you do.

for instance jordan is religious but listen to how he speaks about

For instance, Jordan is religious but listen to how he speaks about atheism.

atheism there's a good case to be made

There's a good case to be made for atheism.

for atheism i mean let's let's make no no bones about it because

I mean let's make no bones about it

you could say in some sense there's been

because you could say in some sense, there's been 300-400 years

300 400 years of brilliant scientists who've been doing nothing but laying the foundation

of brilliant scientists who've been doing nothing but laying the foundation for

for on objective empirical atheism jordan

an objective empirical atheism.

grants that the side that he does not agree with has really strong points in

Jordan grants that the side that he does not agree with has really strong points in his favor.

his favor and this might sound counterproductive if you're trying to persuade someone but it actually makes people more open to

And this might sound counterproductive if you're trying to persuade someone but it actually makes people more open to changing their mind

changing their mind because in any discussion the absolute

because in any discussion, the absolute hardest thing to do

hardest thing to do is to admit that you might be wrong and

is to admit that you might be wrong and risk appearing dumb.

risk appearing dumb that's why sometimes saying things like hey you raise a great point or

That's why sometimes saying things like, "Hey, you raise a great point,"

i totally see why you see things that way is so important if you find yourself

or "I totally see why you see things that way," is so important if you find yourself in a heated argument.

in a heated argument it lets the other person not feel dumb if they wind up changing their

It lets the other person not feel dumb if they wind up changing their mind.

mind this is how dr peterson can get people to open up to his views without having

This is how Dr. Peterson can get people to open up to his views without having to push them around.

to push them around you can contrast that with the standard political discussion where two sides basically just yell

You can contrast that with the standard political discussion where two sides basically just yell their points of view at one another like in this clip.

their points of view at one another like

in this clip if you work hard if you get educated if

If you work hard, if you get educated,

you're an honest person you can make it in america

if you're an honest person — you can make it in America.

if you live in a neighborhood where people are poverty is endemic

If you live in a neighborhood where people are poverty is endemic,

it's harder to work hard it's harder to get an education hey it was harder for me that no one changes

it's harder to work hard, it's harder to get an education— [Talks at the same time]

their mind from a discussion like this

No one changes their mind from a discussion like this so

so even though it might be tempting to quote unquote win an argument

even though it might be tempting to quote-unquote win an argument

by making really incisive points that make the other person look dumb

by making really incisive points that make the other person look dumb, you have to

you have to recognize that it actually makes them less likely to change their

recognize that it actually makes them less likely to change their behavior

behavior if you don't also validate something

if you don't also validate something about their position.

about their position now interestingly jordan peppers in many instances of many pacings into his

Now, interestingly, Jordan peppers in many instances of mini-pacings into his normal speech.

normal speech for instance he mentions what you might be thinking while he's saying things

For instance he mentions what you might be thinking while he's saying things. Just watch.

just watch to those who have everything more will be given and from those who have nothing

To those who have everything, more will be given; and from those who have nothing, everything will be taken.

everything will be taken it's really a vicious statement but what

It's really a vicious statement but what it means is

it means is as you go downhill you go downhill

as you go downhill, you go downhill faster and faster.

faster and faster for working with old people in old age homes and the rule is don't do

...for working with old people in old-aged homes, the rule is — don't do anything for

anything for the for the residents that they can do

the residents that they can do themselves.

themselves you think well that's pretty harsh it's like no it isn't

You think, "Well, that's pretty harsh." No it isn't.

you're you're helping them retain their

You're helping them retain their independence.

independence then he stretches out and he'll go fight again so antidepressants work on

...then he stretches out and he'll go fight again so antidepressants work on lobsters

lobsters right and you think well who cares it's

and you think, "Well, who cares?" It's like, "No, no, no."

like no no no jordan will even raise a hypothetical question that you might

Jordan will even raise a hypothetical question that you might have and then answer it.

have and then answer it and the idea is that if you can do that you will transcend

...and the idea is that if you can do that you will transcend the tragedy

the tragedy and it's like well could that be true

and it's like, "Well, could that be true?"

well most people admire tough competent people so you know it's at least a

Well, most people admire tough competent people so you know it's at least a little bit true.

little bit true what's especially fascinating is that once dr peterson has completely reversed your initial

What's especially fascinating is that once Dr. Peterson has completely reversed her initial position,

position he's extra careful to not make you feel

he's extra careful to not make you feel stupid about it.

stupid about it the other person needs to be able to save face so he mentions one more time that he's not attacking i mean i get

The other person needs to be able to save face so he mentions one more time that he's not attacking.

your point and i'm not trying to denigrate it in any sense there's a

I mean I get your point and I'm not trying to denigrate it in any sense; there's a complex issue here.

complex issue here that's partially why so many people have had their minds changed by dr peterson he's not trying

That's partially why so many people have had their minds changed by Dr. Peterson.

to make them feel dumb he's trying to help them to educate

He's not trying to make them feel dumb; he's trying to help them, to educate them.

them contrast that with the quote unquote own compilations on youtube

Contrast that with the quote-unquote "own" compilations on YouTube

where one person tries to make the opposing side and the opposing argument seem as stupid as possible be the same

where one person tries to make the opposing side and the opposing argument seem as stupid as possible.

they're against mexicans they're against jews they're against black people they're against

...they're against Mexicans, they're against Jews, black people, minorities—

minorities where are all these nazis

Where are all these Nazis?

everywhere oh let's do a quick pan and uh let's see them oh oh

Everywhere. Oh, let's do a quick pan and now let's see them. Oh... nope. There's one... nope.

no there's one no no no okay so there's

Okay, so there's none here so where are they?

none here so where are they which sometimes results in this

...which sometimes results in this —

it's not the same you're right you're

It's not the same.

100 right it's not the same america unsafe okay you don't have to

You're right. You're 100% right. It's not the same.

cry i know it's hard no look come here come

You don't have to cry. I know it's hard. No, look. Come here, honestly.

here honestly it can be tempting to laugh when your side gets one up on

It can be tempting to laugh when your side gets one-up on someone from the other side

someone from the other side but when you make people feel stupid nobody actually changes their mind and

but when you make people feel stupid, nobody actually changes their mind

while it might feel like you're a winner you're actually completely ineffective

and while it might feel like you're a winner, you're actually completely ineffective at changing behavior.

at changing behavior so if your goal is to make the world a better place be like dr peterson

So if your goal is to make the world a better place, be like Dr. Peterson;

do your best to understand people's

do your best to understand people's perspectives

perspectives and give them credit for doing their best to figure things out even if you

and give them credit for doing their best to figure things out even if you disagree.

disagree on to the second point jordan is

On to the second point — Jordan is constantly telling stories

constantly telling stories and sharing interesting tidbits to keep his listeners attention and he flows quickly between a

and sharing interesting tidbits to keep his listeners' attention and he flows quickly between a lot of different things.

lot of different things these next clips are all just taken from a span of about three minutes

These next clips are all just taken from a span of about three minutes.

if you're competent at fighting

...if you're competent at fighting,

that actually decreases the probability that you're going to have to fight

that actually decreases the probability that you're going to have to fight

because when someone pushes you you'll be able to respond with confidence

because when someone pushes you, you'll be able to respond with confidence

and that's partly why jung believed that it was necessary for people to integrate

and that's partly why Jung believed that it was necessary for people to integrate their shadow.

their shadow when you study nazi germany for example or you study

When you study Nazi-Germany for example or you study the Soviet Union

the soviet union particularly under stellan

particularly under Stalin and you're asking yourself,

and you're asking yourself well what are these perpetrators like

"Well, what are these perpetrators like?" — forget about the victims —

forget about the victims let's talk about the perpetrators the answer is they're just like you it's a matter of

let's talk about the perpetrators, the answer is — they're just like you.

facing the thing you least want to face

It's a matter of facing the thing you least want to face

and everyone has that old there's this old story in king arthur where the knights go off to look for the holy

and there's this old story in King Arthur where the knights go off to look for the Holy Grail.

grail that's five different topics on the span of just a

That's five different topics all in the span of just a few minutes

few minutes and you'll notice that they're all of interest to the listener

and you'll notice that they're all of interest to the listener.

first you have that interesting fact about martial arts then he takes it to a

First, you have that interesting fact about martial arts and then

larger historical context which everyone

he takes it to a larger historical context which everyone kind of understands

kind of understands and then most importantly he shows you how it applies to your

and then most importantly, he shows you how it applies to your life.

life two main points here first is that windy nature

Two main points here — first is that winding nature of his speech

of his speech which keeps people on

which keeps people on their toes and interested.

their toes and interested now you may have experienced someone who

Now, you may have experienced someone who does this poorly

does this poorly talking about every random thing that comes into their mind and completely losing your

talking about every random thing that comes into their mind and completely losing your attention.

attention peterson's approach works because he is constantly relating everything back to

Peterson's approach works because he is constantly relating everything back to you — the listener.

you the listener now this focus on making things relevant to you

Now, this focus on making things relevant to you is also the reason

is also the reason that he switches to the second person in so many of his

that he switches to the second person in so many of his stories.

stories you don't identify with either of those you know that they're both necessary you

...you don't identify with either of those; you know that they're both necessary,

know that you have to live with both of them but you would you identify with the capacity to

you know that you have to live with both of them, but you identify with

continually transcend what you are

the capacity to continually transcend what you are.

so far these are pretty common charisma

So far, these are pretty common charisma traits

traits and you might have seen these before in some of our other breakdowns

and you might have seen these before in some of our other breakdowns.

but there is one that is at least on our channel completely unique to jordan and it's kind of his calling card that is his use of archetypes the basic

But there is one that is at least on our channel completely unique to Jordan and it's kind of his calling card — that is his use of archetypes.

idea of an archetype is that it's an idea that resonates across a

The basic idea of an archetype is that it's an idea that resonates across

wide swath of humanity despite differing

a wide swath of humanity despite differing conditions.

conditions it's kind of like a foundational human

It's kind of like a foundational human story

story so it's something that we intuitively understand remember and move towards archetypes are

so it's something that we intuitively understand, remember, and move towards.

often encapsulated in fairy tales and

Archetypes are often encapsulated in fairy tales and some of the most popular

some of the most popular stories of our age which is why you're going to hear peterson reference them

stories of our age which is why you'll hear Petersen reference them all the time.

all the time that's the witch in hansel and gretel who fattens up the kids and

...that's the witch in Hansel and Gretel who fattens up the kids and eats them.

eats them how many of you have seen

How many of you have seen Disney's Sleeping Beauty?

disney's sleeping beauty it's very difficult to understand jung

It's very difficult to understand Jung outside of a narrative context

outside of a narrative context and so i'm going to walk you through the

and so I'm going to walk you through the Lion King today.

lion king today the woman encounters this mysterious and aggressive male

The woman encounters this mysterious and aggressive male and tames...

and tames them that's the female hero myth as far as i can tell

...that's the female hero myth as far as I can tell; it's Beauty and the Beast.

it's beauty and the beast the point of using archetypal stories aside from

The point of using archetypal stories aside from being a fun way to reference

being a fun way to reference disney movies is that they connect with people on a

Disney movies is that they connect with people on a deep level.

deep level they intuitively feel true and if you could relate a point that you're trying to make to an

They intuitively feel true and if you could relate a point that you're trying to make to an archetypal story,

archetypal story you are going to be more persuasive

you are going to be more persuasive.

that's actually how peterson is able to take the unappealing advice of

That's actually how Peterson is able to take the unappealing advice of clean up your own room

clean up your own room and make it into a piece of advice that probably thousands of people have applied now for

and make it into a piece of advice that probably thousands of people have applied.

those of you unfamiliar with his work

Now for those of you unfamiliar with his work, cleaning up your room

clean up your room is meant literally but also to say that you need to clean

is meant literally but also to say that you need to clean up your own mess

up your own mess before you go telling other people all the things that they need to fix

before you go telling other people all the things that they need to fix for you.

for you it's really not appealing advice

It's really not appealing advice on the face of it which is why

on the face of it which is why so many of us ignored our mothers when

so many of us ignored our mothers when they told us to do it.

they told us to do it but here is how peterson leads into this advice

But here is how Peterson leads into this advice.

you probably have all watched pinocchio

You probably have all watched Pinocchio and Pinocchio is about how...

and pinocchio is about how a marionette someone who's whose strings are being pulled by forces

...marionette; someone who's whose strings are being pulled by forces

beyond his comprehension that's the situation of the undeveloped

beyond his comprehension but it's the situation of the undeveloped individual.

individual geppetto who's a benevolent father so a benevolent

...Geppetto who's a benevolent father — so a benevolent symbol,

symbol a symbol of benevolent culture makes a puppet his son and then wishes on a star now a star is

a symbol of benevolent culture, makes a puppet his son and then wishes on a star.

something that glitters up in the sky and it's and it's it's associated with

Now a star is something that glitters up in the sky and it's and it's associated with the transcend—

the transcend i can't grab all of this in one clip and

I can't grab all of this in one clip and that's kind of the point.

that's kind of the point if peterson had just told people focus on yourself first clean up your room before you tell other people how to live

If Peterson had just told people, "Focus on yourself. First, clean up your room before you tell other people how to live,"

well he'd have been about as effective as a motivational poster

well, he'd have been about as effective as a motivational poster.

but in couching this advice inside of an

But in couching this advice inside of an archetypal story,

archetypal story he makes it truly connect and actually

he makes it truly connect and actually changes people's lives.

changes people's lives that's why i think the ability to tell a good story is the most underrated charismatic trait if you can

That's why I think the ability to tell a good story is the most underrated charismatic trait.

build the story in an archetypal structure

If you can build the story in an archetypal structure, that's even better.

that's even better now this is a big topic and one that i spent probably over

Now this is a big topic and one that I spend probably over an hour on

an hour on in charisma university course but for now i'm just going to

in Charisma University course but for now, I'm just going to link to a few storytelling

link to a few storytelling videos that we've done in the description below

videos that we've done in the description below if you want more on this.

if you want more on this i do want to touch on one more point

I do want to touch on one more point though.

though and that's that peterson can win respect without being a bully because he encourages dialogue now one

And that's that Peterson can win respect without being a bully because he encourages dialogue.

of the first clips that put him on the map and his most viewed to this date was a

Now one of the first clips that put him on the map and his most viewed to this date

heated argument and throughout this clip

was a heated argument and throughout this clip, he calms students then

he calms students down when they start getting in shouting matches with one

when they start getting in shouting matches with one another.

another because they are because they are not being integrated into society

Female voice: ...because they're not integrated into society.

we are not looking for special treatment

Female voice: We are not looking for special treatment; we are looking

we are looking to be able to integrate ourselves into society and if you refuse to remember if you

Female voice: to be able to integrate ourselves into society and if you refuse...

refer if you he also pays careful attention to the students who do engage

He also pays careful attention to the students who do engage him without screaming.

him without screaming cracks people like me are not [Music]

[Student softly speaking]

add all this up and what you realize is

Add all this up and what you realize is that perhaps

that perhaps the biggest thing you can learn from dr peterson

the biggest thing you can learn from Dr. Peterson is that

is that if you want people to respect you and you don't want to do it in a

if you want people to respect you and you don't want to do it in a domineering way,

domineering way you have to consider the other person

you have to consider the other person, you consider their reality

you consider their reality and you pace it in your speech you consider their attention span and

and you pace it in your speech; you consider their attention span

you wrap your points in engaging stories

and you wrap your points in engaging stories;

and you consider that they may have something to teach you so you speak with

and you consider that they may have something to teach you

them rather than shout at them now we focused

so you speak with them rather than shout at them.

a lot on respect in this video but

Now, we focused a lot on respect in this video but that's actually just one

that's actually just one out of four emotions that are going to create an amazing first impression on anyone cross culturally now if you're

out of four emotions that are going to create an amazing first impression on anyone cross-culturally.

curious what the other three emotions

Now, if you're curious with the other three emotions that you want to create

that you want to create in that person are to make an amazing first impression

in that person are to make an amazing first impression, I made a video on that

i made a video on that that breaks down what those four emotions are

that breaks down what those four emotions are so that you can start using them

so that you can start using them today to consistently make killer first

today to consistently make killer first impressions.

impressions if you want to see those go ahead and

If you want to see those, go ahead and click the link in the description,

click the link in the description drop your email in the box and you will get

drop your email in the box and you will get access to that video.

access to that video also as we've grown it has been harder and harder for me to respond to all the

Also, as we've grown it has been harder and harder for me to respond

youtube comments that we get but i do have a solution now and that is

to all the YouTube comments that we get but I do have a solution now

that for the first hour after i upload a new video i'm going to be responding to your

and that is that for the first hour after I upload a new video, I'm going to be responding to your comments

comments so feel free to write in if you're watching this or

so feel free to write in if you're watching this or if you want to catch me next time,

if you want to catch me next time go ahead click subscribe and then click

go ahead and click Subscribe and then click that notification bell

that notification bell so that you get an announcement as soon as the video goes up and you can write

so that you get an announcement as soon as the video goes up and you can write me in the comments.

me in the comments that way we can converse and dialogue so

That way, we can converse and dialogue! Whoo-hoo!

anyways i hope that you enjoyed this video and i look forward to seeing you in the next one

So anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

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