Catholic Morality Pat Condell English (auto-generated) Danish

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Comedy 260.7K views 6.3K likes 976 dislikes 04 Jun 2007

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well not content with trying to force religion into the European Constitution now the Catholic Church is interfering

ikke tilfreds med kun at presse religion ind i den Europæiske grundlov, nu blander den katolske kirke sig i Engelsk politik.

in British politics this week a cardinal and an archbishop have both threatened

i denne uge har en kardinal og en ærkebiskop truet med ikke at afholde messe

to withhold communion from Catholic MPs who don't vote against abortion

for katolske parlamentsmedlemmer der der ikke stemmer mod abort.

personally I've always thought it was a shame that the Virgin Mary never had the

Personligt, synes jeg det er en skam at Jomfru Maria ikke fik lov at vælge,

right to choose because then we might have been spared 2,000 years of misery

så kunne vi ha´ været sparet 2000 års elendighed og blodsydgydelse.

and bloodshed but it wasn't to be and so for Catholics abortion has always been a

Men sådan blev det ikke, så katolikker har altid haft problemer med abort,

tricky one especially if you're using a knitting needle in a back alley which is

Især hvis man bruger en strikkepind i en mørk gyde

the Catholic Church's preferred method

som er den Katolske Kirkes foretrukne metode.

because when it comes to Catholic dogma human life is only sacred if you obey

for ifølge den Katolske dogme, er menneskelivet kun helligt hvis du adlyder reglerne.

the rules hence no condoms for Africa we don't want those people doing anything immoral

Så ingen kondomer til Afrika. vi vil ikke have de mennesker til at gøre noget umoralsk,.

so we're going to let them die this is

Så dem lader vi dø.

from an organization supposedly founded on the teachings of Jesus I'm not sure

Dette er fra en organisation som sku´ være grundlagt på Jesus læresætninger. hvilke læresætninger er uklart-

what teachings exactly it must be the bit where Jesus talks about living in palaces full of art treasures protecting

Det må være der hvor Jesus taler om at bo i paladser fulde af skatte, beskytte pædofile,

pedophiles and collaborating with the

Og samarbejde med Nazisterne.

Nazis I haven't actually managed to find that passage myself but I'm sure it must be in the gospel somewhere and this is

Det er ikke lykkedes mig at finde det afsnit, men det må være i Evangelierne et eller andet sted.

what I wasn't too surprised when I first heard that the current Pope is in fact

Og derfor blev jeg ikke særligt overrasket da jeg hørte at den nuværende pave er ex-nazist,

an ex Nazi because to me the Catholic Church and Nazism go together as naturally as Bibles and lynch mobs if

For mig hænger den Katolske Kirke og nazisme sammen som Bibler og lynchmobs.

you think of one it's difficult not to

tænker man på den ene, er det svært ikke at tænke på det andet.

think of the other indeed I've often thought that it was just bad luck for the Catholic Church that Nazism never

Jeg har ofte tænkt på hvor uheldigt det var for den Katolske Kirke at Nazismen aldrig blev respektabel,

became respectable because they put all their chips on the number of the beast but it just didn't happen for them

for de satsede alt på dyrets tal men det var bare ikke deres dag.

although the Pope who actually collaborated with Hitler by ignoring the

Selvom Paven der samarbejdede med Hitler ved at se gennem fingrene med Holocaust

Holocaust is now being made a saint for

nu bli´r helgenforklaret for sin indsats.

his trouble that's right Pius the 12th is being made a saint which has got to be the cheekiest thing I've heard since

JA, Pius XII bliver helgenforklaret, og det må være det frækkeste jeg har hørt

Henry Kissinger had the nerve to accept the Nobel Peace Prize I'm not sure why it is that the Catholic Church exudes

siden Henry Kissinger tillod sig at modtage Nobels fredspris. Jeg er ikke sikker på hvorfor den Katolske Kirke er omgivet af denne aura af..

this aura of not so much evil as well actually yes evil I think this whole celibacy thing has a lot to answer for

ikke så meget af onskab som.. jo af ondskab. jeg tror at denne cølibat-ting har noget med det at gøre,

because there's going to be so much repressed energy there

Der må være så meget undertrykt energi der ikke der ikke ka´ komme ud.

with nowhere to go I mean that's bound to cause a few short circuits I can

Det må nødvendigvis lave nogle kortslutninger.

understand somebody being celibate if that's how they're comfortable but if you're doing it as a penance denying

Jeg kan forstå cølibat hvis man har det godt med det, men hvis du gør det som bod,

your most powerful basic urges because you think that God is going to be

og benægter dine stærkeste drifter, fordi du tror det vil glæde Gud,

pleased with you well I think you should see a doctor because those inner demons that you're struggling with so manfully are really

synes jeg du skulle opsøge en læge, fordi de indre dæmoner du kæmper så mandigt med

nothing that a $20 couldn't put right in a couple of minutes but of

ikke er andet end hvad en billig luder ka´ klare på et par minutter.

course you couldn't do that because that

Men det kan du jo ikke gøre , for det ville jo være syndigt.

would be sinful much better to insert your penis into a choirboy and then

Så er det jo meget bedre at indføre din penis i en kordreng

carry on lecturing dying Africans on

og fortsætte med at belære døende Afrikanere om seksuel afholdenhed.

sexual abstinence if any Cardinals or bishops are watching this video let me

hvis der er nogle kardinaler eller biskopper der ser med, så lad mig spørge jer-

ask you a question on a theological level is it more of a sin for a priest to rape a child while wearing a condom

Teologisk set, er det så mere syndigt for en præst at voldtage et barn med kondom

or not wearing one how much more evil is it to wear the condom and would it be okay ie would you keep quiet about it if he

eller uden et kondom? hvor meget mere ondt er det med kondomet? Og ville det være OK,- ville i holde det hemmeligt, hvis han bagefter gik til skriftemål-

went to confession afterwards and truly

repented until the next time the

og virkelig angrede- til næste gang?

Catholic Church has lost so much money on this scandal they must be down to their last few billion by now if you

Den Katolske Kirke har tabt så mange penge på denne skandale, at de kun kan have få milliarder tilbage.

would Pope wouldn't it make sense to try and add up all the sex abuse that's been

Hvis du var pave, var det så ikke en ide´ at regne ud hvor meget sexmisbrug der havde været begået indtil nu,

committed so far and then add up all the money that's being paid out in

og så tælle alle de penge sammen der var udbetalt i erstatning,

compensation and then you might be able to work out exactly how much the church is paying for say one and

og så kunne du måske regne ud hvor meget kirken betaler for, lad os sige , en afsutning,

whether it might be more economical to buy the same product from a professional

og om det ville være mere økonomisk at købe det samme produkt af en professionel sex arbejder.

sex worker that way you'd be helping to employ somebody in a legitimate

På den måde ville du støtte en med et rigtigt arbejde,

occupation but certainly one that's more legitimate than yours is your holiness your eminence your grace

i hvert tilfælde mere rigtigt end dit, deres hellighed, deres eminence, deres nåde.

little word of advice clean your own

Og så et lille råd:

stained glass windows before you start

Puds dine egne glasmalerier før du har travlt med at pudse alle andres,

cleaning everybody else's and then people might take you a little more seriously peace

så vil folk måske tage dig lidt mere alvorligt. Fred.

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