Happy Easter Pat Condell English English (auto-generated)

Happy EasterYouTube↗ IA↗(long shot)
Comedy 111.5K views 2.9K likes 312 dislikes 05 Apr 2007

Pat Condell 336K subscribers United Kingdom YouTube↗

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Happy Easter, everyone. Yes, it's that time of year again

happy easter everyone yes it's that time

when we celebrate one of the oldest of Christian traditions - the blood sacrifice.

of year again when we celebrate one of the oldest of Christian traditions the

Just as 2000 years ago God sent his son to die for our sins,

blood sacrifice just as 2,000 years ago God sent his son to die for our sins

because he didn't have the balls to do it himself,

because he didn't have the balls to do

so Bush and Blair now send other people's sons to die for their sins

it himself so bush and Blair now send other people's sons to die for their sins for

for much the same reason.

much the same reason but this is not

But this is not really a time for politics, is it?

really a time for politics is it because

This is a very special week, as we know,

this is a very special week as we know

because this week it's all about the Easter bunny being nailed to

because this week it's all about the Easter Bunny being nailed to a hot cross bun so that he can come back and redeem

at some point in the future.

mankind at some point in the future it's

It's often said of Jesus that he could have saved himself, but he chose not to.

often said of Jesus that he could have saved himself but he chose not to and if

And if you read the Gospels it's clear that he could have talked himself out of

you read the Gospels it's clear that he

that crucifixion quite easily, but he was just too stubborn.

could have talked himself out of that crucifixion quite easily but he was just

The Romans didn't really want to kill him at all, but in the end they went along with it

too stubborn the Romans didn't really want to kill him at all but in the end

because he was being such a prick about it.

they went along with it because he was being such a prick about it the truth is

The truth is he couldn't wait to get up on that cross.

he couldn't wait to get up on that cross

In fact, I think Christianity only exists because Jesus Christ just happened to be a masochist.

in fact I think that Christianity only exists because Jesus Christ just happened to be a masochist I think he

I think he took one look at the hammer and nails and he couldn't believe his luck.

took one look at the hammer and the nails and he couldn't believe his luck

He thought, "Well, in 3 days I'll be in Heaven, but until then I'm going to enjoy myself."

he thought well in three days I'll be in heaven but until then I'm going to enjoy

This is, of course, just a theory; I want to emphasise that,

myself now this of course is just a

because nobody knows what really happened.

theory I want to emphasize that because nobody knows what really happened the

The Gospels themselves are not eye-witness accounts.

Gospels themselves are not eyewitness

The evangelists never made it to the crucifixion.

accounts the evangelists never made it

Couldn't get tickets, I guess.

to the crucifixion couldn't get tickets

Once they knew Mel Gibson was coming I'm sure everybody wanted to be there.

I guess once they knew that Mel Gibson was coming I'm sure everybody wanted to

And to be fair to him, he has made what is now probably the

be there and to be fair to him he has made what is now probably the definitive

definitive movie on the Easter story, "The Passion of the Christ",

movie on the Easter story the Passion of

which, when it first came out, was subjected to quite a lot of criticism and abuse,

the Christ which when first came out was subjected to quite a lot of criticism

mainly because it's a cynical piece of gratuitious trash

and abuse mainly because it's a cynical piece of gratuitous trash aimed at

aimed at simple-minded born again plankton.

simple-minded born-again plankton and

And for this reason it made a lot of money, so now some Hollywood studios

for this reason though it made a lot of money so now some Hollywood studios get

get a panel of Christians to vet their movies before release

a panel of Christians to vet their movies before release just to make sure

just to make sure they won't offend any ignorant born again shitkickers

that they won't offend any ignorant

who might happen to be watching.

born-again shit-kickers who might happen

The future looks bright for American culture, wouldn't you say?

to be watching the future looks bright for American culture wouldn't you say I

I wonder if years from now we'll look back and say,

wonder if years from now we'll look back

"Poor America. It could have saved itself, but it chose not to."

and say poor America it could have saved itself but it shows not too

As for Jesus himself, every day for the last 2000 years he's been on the verge of coming back

as for Jesus himself well every day for the last 2,000 years he's been on the

to redeem us all, but he hasn't actually shown up yet.

verge of coming back to redeem us all but he hasn't actually shown up yet

And to be perfectly honest with you, I'm not a bit surprised.

and to be perfectly honest with you I'm

I mean, put yourself in his position. Would you come back if you were him?

not a bit surprised I mean put yourself in his position would you come back if

I wouldn't. But then I wouldn't have come in the first place,

you were him I wouldn't but then I wouldn't have come in the first place so

so I might be the wrong person to ask.

I might be the wrong person to ask the

The only thing that bothers me about all this is that when Jesus does arrive

only thing that bothers me about all this is that when Jesus does arrive to

to dispense his particular brand of justice

dispense his particular brand of justice

he's only going to save the people who believe in him

he's only going to save the people who

and the rest of us, the non-believers, will be consigned to the eternal flames of hellfire.

believe in him and the rest of us the non-believers will be consigned to the eternal flames of Hellfire but where is

But where's the justice there?

the justice there whatever happened to

Whatever happened to "Do unto others as you would be done by"?

do unto others as you would be done by

Or is that all being quietly forgotten now?

or is that all being quietly forgotten

And how ironic too that I am now being victimised as a non-believer,

now and how ironic to that I am now being victimized as a non-believer

I'm being persecuted for my beliefs by Jesus Christ,

I'm being persecuted for my beliefs by

the one person who you really would expect to know better.

Jesus Christ the one person who you really would expect to know better he

He could save me, but he's choosing not to.

could save me but he's choosing not to

What a Judas! Still, on the other hand, nobody's perfect.

what a Judas still on the other hand

So I'll forgive him. Well, why not? I'm in a good mood. It's Easter. Peace.

nobody's perfect so I'll forgive him well why not I'm in a good mood it's Easter peace

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