Something is Wrong. Ballinger Family English English

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People & Blogs 583K views 23.5K likes 25 Aug 2019

Ballinger Family 3.2M subscribers United States YouTube↗

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- So it's taken me a few days to be able to get to the point

where I can say this out loud

without being a hysterical mess,

but we had our routine-ish

third trimester ultrasound last week,

and he's super cute,

and at the end of it the doctor,

I think, the ultrasound person,

I think he's a doctor, I don't know,

he said something looks a little different to me

about his brain,

and the cerebellum looks a little asymmetrical,

and that's a part in the back of your brain,

and it is largely, it mostly does things with motor control,

from what I understand,

and he said it looks a little off.

I'm just going to talk to my friend who's a neurologist,

like a pediatric neurology baby specialist,

and see what he thinks we should do.

I think it just, he's like it doesn't look,

nothing's like wildly wrong or different,

but it doesn't look like what I typically see.

So, he did speak to the specialist

and the specialist said yeah,

I think you are onto something,

and now we are going to get a better image of the brain

than the ultrasound could show

by getting something called a fetal MRI.

We're gonna be driving a little ways

to get to a hospital that does it

because they're not done everywhere,

so it's a specialty location.

We were looking for a few parts of the brain

that could potentially not be there,

but that's harder to visualize on an ultrasound,

especially at this point in the pregnancy,

so that means that in like the third trimester,

which is where I'm at now,

we're by the way, this is me at,

my ultrasound, I was 29 weeks,

I'll be 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and,

this is new to us, so bear with me with that.

This is all a new experience.

We definitely, everything's been fine so far.

Our previous fancy ultrasounds were fine.

The doctor looked back and he looked at the brain

and at my like 20 week, second trimester ultrasound

and he said everything was fine.

This is, from what I've read,

the stage when the cerebellum is really developing,

so I think that's why there would be a difference

detected right now as opposed to not earlier.

There isn't anything that we know of

that would be a cause for this

or a reason for it to be happening.

The doctor did say that if he sees a need for it,

the next step would be to transfer my care

to working with children's hospital in LA,

and also that he would then do

like a full like more-thorough genetic screening

or something, I don't know, I didn't really get that part

but he said that he'd need to do stuff

to like figure out more of potentially

what could be a reason for it,

but as far as we know,

all my blood tests have come back normal,

any diabetes things have come back normal,

not that that would cause it necessarily

but I'm just trying to think of like, you know,

I'm running through my head everything, you know,

but it's just one of those things.

The doctor also said that he hopes

that he's just wrong about all of this,

that he hopes that they do the MRI

and look at it and go, what are you even thinking,

this is fine, don't worry about it, and,

so maybe that's a possibility.

I know you guys probably all have the same

big questions that I have,

and that is like what does this mean, ultimately,

and the answer that I have is we don't know yet,

and that's what we've been going through this week,

that's been really hard,

and from what I found it's a giant range

of kind of anything and everything,

so I'm hoping like looking at it,

to me it doesn't look that off or that wildly different,

but I can also see that there is a possibility

that certain things could be absent.

There's something called a vermis,

which goes kind of in between the cerebellum,

and that, from what I can tell, helps drain fluid,

and that fluid, which currently isn't there

and isn't accumulating, so that's a good sign,

that fluid can accumulate

and then it can need a shunt in place to drain the fluid,

and that can be sometimes has been called

Dandy-Walker Syndrome,

and that has a wide variety of outcomes as well,

some really great and some really grim,

and there's just, we don't know exactly what it is.

It just looks a little different.

So, it could really be, it could be normal,

it could be some slight ticks or motor things like seizures,

I think it could be, when I talked to my OB who treats me

and not the one who looked at the ultrasound,

could be something like needing a wheelchair

or I don't know, loss of certain functions.

It could be anything.

It could be perfectly normal.

It could be completely tragic,

and by tragic I mean like fatal.

And then the in betweens,

Christopher and I are, you know,

we want the best for all of our children

so like the idea of surgeries and pain,

that's the thing I think that scares us the most.

We are 100% willing to embrace a child with any needs.

It's just the fear, and the worry,

and the concern for this little guy's wellbeing, and,

I just don't have any answers right now.

The big thing is this MRI we're getting into,

they booked it for us and they booked it really fast,

which I'm so grateful for,

but it also kinda scares me too,

'cause it just like all of a sudden

there are things that are like, you know, that's priority,

at places that I would normally not expect

to get appointments to for like months, you know,

and now here we're getting kinda fast-tracked,

and that's a little, I don't know,

makes me imagine that there are some pretty big concerns.

I've just been kind of taking this week off

from a lot of things.

It was hard for me to talk, to say things out loud,

the first few days.

It's getting a little better.

I've, against doctor's orders,

my doctor was like do not google anything,

but I have been doing that,

and I've tried to, for the most part,

really educate myself on the brain.

I wanna be able to identify what I can identify

when looking at images,

and I want to know what questions I should be asking,

and that brings me some calm and some complete freakouts,

and I get why my doctor was telling me

not to look at my computer,

but I'm just not that kind of person.

So that's what I've been doing.

I've been trying to get really educated

and trying to just know all I can about potentials

and things to be asking.

Hopefully we'll know more in the next couple of days,

at least some answers to some major questions,

like knowing what structures are there

and what structures are growing as they should,

and maybe questions like if there could be anything

like hemorrhaging or anything else going

that's causing it to look a little different.

But, this could also be a very long journey

of not having answers for a very long time,

like maybe forever.

Say most of the structures are there

and everything looks pretty typical,

aside from what they're seeing now,

then it could be that we'll just be really watching

how he develops in the first few years,

like with speech, and with movement,

and seeing if he has just extra needs there.

I've looked at MRI images,

and they are really cool and really helpful,

so I'm looking forward to getting those done

and getting results from that, and that's where we're at.

So we have some videos that we filmed before all of this,

and they're videos that we want up

because they're like family memories

and parts of our life that we want to have as a memory,

but just so you know,

they'll probably be going up out of order,

but Christopher and I both have been taking the week

just kind of off.

We didn't have our hearts into posting and promoting things,

and like all of that.

We've needed to take this time to just kinda be messes.

I guess you call it like a mental health week.

I think neither of us feels up to doing anything

besides raising our little humans,

and like taking care of our home,

and just doing things like that.

We just haven't been able to do anything.

We're like pretty frozen.

So, love you guys.

Thank you for any prayers.

I'm sure there are lots of people out there

who had experiences like this,

so please, this is a conversation,

hopefully, if we have comments.

Please share your experiences.

Please be gentle, kind, and loving,

and just we'll see, we'll see what's going on.

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