MASTURBÍNYouTube↗  IA↗(long shot)
Comedy  1.2M views 70.6K likes   26 Oct 2020
Backdoor 5.7M subscribers Mexico YouTube↗


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Hands in the air, loser!
Mãos ao alto, babaca!
-What is this shit? -Show your ID chip!
-Que merda é essa? -Mostra seu chip de identificação!
-Chip? -ID chip!
-Chip? -De identificação!
What chip?
Que chip?
Turn the water off.
Desliga a água, cara.
Dispatch, cancel backup in section 37.
Central, cancele o reforço no setor 37.
We have an TEA.
Temos um AET.
-I repeat, TEA. -What?
-Repito, AET. -O quê?
-Were you masturbating? -I was rinsing.
-Estava se masturbando? -Só me ensaboando.
Admit you were choking the chicken.
Admita que estava descabelando o palhaço.
-I was! -That's it.
-Estava! -Foi isso.
You were so fast that you provoked a time-space anomaly.
Bateu tão rápido que provocou uma anomalia no espaço-tempo.
-You're in the future. -What?
-Você veio parar no futuro. -O quê?
Quantum physics.
Física quântica.
You went over the speed of what a human can handle
Você ultrapassou a velocidade que um humano pode suportar
under water, provoking a time and space anomaly.
debaixo d'água, provocando uma anomalia de espaço e tempo.
TEA! TEA!
AET! AET!
-I'm in the future? -Yes.
-Estou no futuro? -Está.
-And my parents? -Dead.
-E meus pais? -Morreram.
Just like everyone you've met and loved.
Assim como todo mundo que você conheceu e amou.
All dead. We're in the 22nd century.
Todos morreram. Agora estamos no século 22.
Machines rule. We are the resistance.
As máquinas governam. Nós somos a resistência.
-So I'm dying? -No.
-Então eu vou morrer? -Não.
You died in the 21st century.
Você morreu no século 21.
-So I'll die again? -No. Relax, relax.
-Então vou morrer de novo? -Não. Calma, calma.
This is temporary. If you stand still,
Isso é temporário. Se você ficar parado,
maybe you can go back to your own time. Okay?
talvez consiga voltar à sua época. Certo?
-Right. I'll be still. -Quiet.
-Certo. Vou ficar parado. -Quieto.
Drop the rod!
Larga a vara!
If you move, you can travel through the future.
Se você mexer nela, pode viajar no futuro.
Don't cry!
Não chora!
Zombies smell teenage fluids
Zumbis sentem o cheiro dos fluidos adolescentes
-from miles away. -Yes, Sir.
-à distância. -Sim, senhor.
If you're quiet, maybe you'll go back.
Se ficar quieto, talvez volte ao seu século.
If not, don't trust machines.
Se não, desconfie das máquinas.
-And stop masturbating! -Okay.
-E para de se masturbar! -Certo.
Douche.
Mané.
Then that's that. Thank you.
Então é isso. Muito obrigado, viu?
You think that'll be enough?
Acha que isso vai ser suficiente?
Surely he'll stop soon.
Com certeza, ele logo vai parar.
Good, because...
Que bom, porque...
his right hand was already calloused.
ele já estava com um calo na mão direita.
And one arm was bigger than the other.
E um braço estava maior que o outro.
Yeah, I could tell.
Pois é. Deu para ver.
The water bill was through the roof.
A conta de água estava caríssima.
They named him "Choker" at school.
O apelidaram de "O Batedor" na escola.
He was masturbating three times a day.
Imagina, ele estava se masturbando três vezes ao dia.
Yes, but it'll be okay.
Pois é. Mas vai ficar tudo bem.
-Have a good day. Good to meet you. -Likewise. Thank you.
-Tenham um bom dia. Prazer. -Igualmente. Obrigado.
And remember: with magician José, we'll change who you are.
E lembrem-se: com o mágico José, mudamos quem você é.
-Yes. Thank you. -Here's hoping.
-Isso. Muito obrigado. -Tomara.
-Thanks. -Bye.
-Obrigada. -Tchau.
They found me!
Eles me acharam!
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