Katpiss Everdeen Joana Ceddia English German

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Comedy 1.2M views 99.6K likes 561 dislikes 21 Jun 2020

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These captions are stylized (the effects will only show up on the actual video if the captions are published) - please do not edit * I N H A L E * [ murder tool sounds ]

You know, during my quarantine,

Wisst ihr, in meiner Quarantäne,

many eventful things have happened.

sind viele ereignisreiche Dinge passiert. Lasst und eine kurze Reise durch unser Gedächtnis machen,

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

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MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

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MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS MEMORY SOUNDS

But by far one of the things I'm most proud of

Aber mit Abstand eine Sache auf die ich mit am stolzesten bin,

is how much I've improved at archery.

ist wie sehr ich mich verbessert habe

Turns out, being stuck at home

im Bogenschießen. Wie sich herausstellt, zuhause festzustecken

for nearly 5 months...

für fast fünf Monate,

Is a great oppurtunity to learn how to

ist eine großartige Gelegenheit um zu lernen, wie man jemanden umbringt!

KILL SOMEONE. OBSERVE.

Es tut mir so Leid.

Before, I couldn't make any of the arrows hit that target.

Erstmal, ich konnte mit den Pfeilen kein einziges Mal

Instead, it would hit the fence behind it.

das Ziel treffen Stattdessen traf der Pfeil immer den Zaun dahinter...

I mean, just look at the amount of ABUSE I've

Ich meine, schaut euch Mal die Menge an Misshandlung an, die ich dem Ding zugefügt habe.

subjected this thing to. This is what happens to my enemies.

Das ist, was mit meinen Feinden passiert.

Oh mein Gott, ich hab getroffen! *nein, habe ich nicht lol*

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

Ich unterwerfe mich gerne öfters der geistigen Herausforderung,

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD it

was a BULLSEYE BULLSEYE

BULLSEYE BULLSEYE BULLSEYE BULLSEYE

I like to subject myself quite frequently, to the mental exercise

that is trying to rationalize

die versucht zu rationalisieren ,

how I will EVER be able

wie ich jemals in der Lage sein werde

to use this ability in the real world.

diese Fähigkeit in der realen Welt einsetzen zu können.

And the answer is...

Und die Antwort ist:

Werde ich nicht.

Unless, of course, I find myself in the middle of nowhere,

Es sei denn natürlich, ich finde mich mitten im Nirgendwo, ich bin hungrig,

I'm h u n g r y, And I need some DINNER. And if that were, in fact, the case,

und ich bräuchte Abendessen. Und wenn das der Fall wäre,

I would need to be able to build my own bow and arrow.

müsste ich in der Lage sein, mir eigenen Pfeil und Bogen zu bauen!

Now I'm fortunate enough to have

Also ich bin froh,

purchased this bow

diesen Bogen gekauft zu haben

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

vom Gott des Kapitalismus,

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

auch bekannt als AMAZON.

from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism from the GOD of capitalism

from the GOD of capitalism

Also known as Amazon. But guess what? PLEASE point to me

Aber ratet mal, bitte macht mir mal klar, wo zur Hölle

where the hell is Amazon

ist AMAZON im Wald?!

In the forest??? In the forest??? In the forest??? In the forest???

Tut mir Leid, aber dort ist kein Versand am gleichen Tag im Wald!

In the forest??? In the forest??? In the forest??? In the forest???

In the forest??? In the forest??? In the forest??? In the forest???

In the forest??? In the forest??? I'm sorry, but there's no SAME DAY SHIPPING

in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS.

Jeff Bazos existiert nicht,

in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS.

in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS.

in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS.

in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS. in the middle of the WOODS.

in the middle of the WOODS.

in the middle of the WOODS. Jeff Bezos doesn't exist!! He's a figment of your imagination! [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

er ist eine Person deiner Fantasie!

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

Ist das jetzt wirklich nötig?

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] [ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ]

[ sounds of the souls that have sinned rising up from hell to get revenge ] Is this really necessary right now???

So I need to be able to build

Ich muss also in der Lage sein, meinen eigenen Pfeil und Bogen zu bauen.

to build my own bow and arrow. So with this newfound revelation

Mit dieser neuen gefundenen Offenbarung,

that I had to learn the ways

of self-sufficience,

die Wege der Selbst-Angemessenheit lernen musste.

I got to researching.

Ich bin zum Recherchieren gekommen, wie haben unsere Vorfahren

How did our ancestors make their first bows? Let's be honest here.

ihre erstem Bögen gemacht. Jetzt mal ehrlich, Herr der Ringe

The Lord of the Rings is historical non-fiction,

ist ein historisches Sachbuch

Hobbits exist, Legolas was a real elf,

Hobbits existieren, Legolas war ein echter Elf,

his bow was a real thing, too,

sein Bogen war auch eine echte Sache, also wer hat ihn gemacht?

so who made it? Where did it come from? Was it birthed from a bigger one?

Woher kam er, wurde er von einen größeren geboren?

These are all questions I need answered.

Das sind alles Fragen, auf die ich Antworten brauche!

You needn't not fear, however, because Wikihow to the rescue.

Ihr braucht euch dennoch nicht fürchten, denn WikiHow zur Rettung!

Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of

WikiHow ist der GoLdEnE sTaNdArD für Anleitungen,

Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of

Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of

Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of

Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of

Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of

Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of Wikihow is the gold standard of

Wikihow is the gold standard of

Wikihow is the gold standard of instructional writing. It's the most

es ist die verlässlichste Quelle

r e l i a b l e source of all your how-to queries.

für all eure "wie-macht-man"- Fragen.

SO NATURALLY, when I had struck GOLD GOLD

Als ich dann auf das Gold gestoßen bin, war nur eine Sache zu tun

GOLD GOLD GOLD GOLD

GOLD GOLD there was only one thing left to do.

I pressed print- after all, there's no internet connection

Ich habe auf "Drucken" gedrückt. Letztendlich gibt es kein Internet in der Wildnis.

in the wild; And got ready to go on an ADVENTURE.

Und ich machte mich bereit, auf ein Abenteuer zu gehen!

Hey guys, so before we go venture out

Hey Leute, bevor wir uns in das große Unbekannte wagen,

into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown,

müssen wir uns vorbereiten und sichergehen, dass wir unsere Utensilien beisammen haben

into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown,

into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown,

into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown,

into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown,

into the great unknown, into the great unknown, into the great unknown, we have to kind of prepare

and make sure that we have all our supplies in order

and that we're not going into this blind.

und wir nicht einfach blind in die Sache reingehen.

So let's start with the basics,

Lasst und mit dem Grundlegenden anfangen, richtig?

right? You always wanna travel light.

Man möchte immer möglichst leicht reisen.

So that means... as small as a backpack as possible. [ backpack. ]

Das heißt, nimm den kleinstmöglichen Rucksack.

So the next thing, water. You have to stay hydrated and drink lots of water because the last thing you wanna be.. is stuck in the wild,

So, das nächste, Wasser. Man muss hydriert bleiben, trink viel Wasser, denn das letzte was du sein willst, ist in der Wildnis zu stecken mit einer Pilz-Infektion, weil du nicht genug Wasser getrunken hast.

with a yeast infection cuz you didn't drink enough water.

Das nächste ist ein Messer.

a knife. You know, this is... very self explanatory.

Das ist ziemlich selbsterklärend.

This is probably the most useful thing

Das ist wahrscheinliche das nützliche Ding,

you can have when you're alone in the woods with nothing

dass du haben kannst, wenn du alleine im Wald bist

to do. You know, it's great for things like

und nichts zu tun hast. Es ist super für Dinge wie Kunst und Handwerk.

arts & crafts. So this next thing is gonna seem kinda pretty weird. But, just stick with me.

Das nächste wird wahrscheinlich ein wenig seltsam wirken aber bleibt noch kurz bei mir.

Okay? You're already taking a knife.

Wir nehmen schon ein Messer, warum also nicht auch noch eine Gabel

Why not also take a fork? You could have the ultimate eating experience.

Du könntest das ultimative Essenserlebnis haben.

In fact, why not just bring every

Warum nehmen wir nicht jedes Utensil mit, dass wir womöglich brauchen könnten?

utensil you could possibly need? plates, cups, BOWLS,

Teller, Becher, Schüsseln, Löffel,...

SPOONS. I like to have lots of extra underwear

Ich habe gerne viel Extra-Unterwäsche bei mir.

with me. I'm gonna be wearing the same clothes for a VERY long time.

Ich werde dieselben Klamotten für eine lange Zeit anziehen.

So the least I can do is bring a couple

Das Mindeste, dass ich also tun könnte, ist ein paar Unterhosen zum Wechseln mitzubringen,

changes of underwear so that,

sodass, wie ich schon gesagt habe,

like I said before, I'm not stuck in the wild with a yeast infection.

ich werde nicht in der Wildnis feststecken mit einer Pilz-Infektion

So while we're on the topic of clothing, This is my survival outfit.

Wenn wir schon beim Thema Kleidung sind, das ist mein Überlebens-Outfit.

It's great because it's

Es ist großartig, weil es ist eins,

one. You know, it's a unit.

weißt du, es ist eine Einheit,

Singular. I don't have to worry about

es ist einzeln vorhanden.

like, seperate parts.

Ich muss mich nicht um einzelne Teile sorgen.

SHOES. Okay, so I went back and forth here you know? THESE... are my SPIKES.

Schuhe. Okay, ich habe hin-und herüberlegt. Das sind meine Spikes!

Guys, these are actual weapons.

Leute, das sind richtige Waffen!

Okay? I have horns growing out of my FEET.

Okay? Ich habe Hörner, die aus meinen Füßen wachsen!

Anyways, a couple more things.

Wie auch immer, noch ein paar Sachen.

My moisturizer.

meine Feuchtigkeitscreme,

You know, in the wild, eczema's the LAST thing you wanna be worried about.

wisst ihr, Ekzeme sind das Letzte, um die du dir in der Wildnis Sorgen machen willst.

My CREDIT CARD.

Meine Kreditkarte,

Okay? Sometimes the squirrels wanna have a farmer's market

Okay, manchmal wollen die Eichhörnchen zum Bauernmarkt gehen,

or something, so you know,

weißt du, man muss vorbereitet sein.

You gotta be prepared. OH! OH! OH!

Oh! Mein Inkubator!

OH! OH! OH! OH!

My INCUBATOR. You know, I might find some eggs there's always that possibility.

Wisst ihr? Ich werde vielleicht ein paar Eier finden, es gibt immer diese Möglichkeit,

And who knows? I could want some bird friends, so.

Und wer weiß? Ich hätte vielleicht ein Paar Vogel-Freunde, also werde ich das hier brauchen um sie auszubrüten.

I'm gonna need this to hatch them. A PAN, smacc in case I wanna cook something.

Eine Pfanne, falls ich etwas kochen möchte.

This is.. baker's yeast.

Das ist Back-Hefe...

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

ICH SAGTE, ICH MÖCHTE KEINE PILZ-INFEKTION!

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

Letztendlich, mein Visier.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION. I SAID I DIDN'T WANT A YEAST INFECTION.

Finally, my VISOR...

Aaand my sunglasses.

Und meine Sonnenbrille

And you know, the great thing about these sunglasses is

Und wisst ihr, das Gute an dieser Sonnenbrille ist,

with just the tilt of a head, I could have so much variety, you know?

wenn man seinen Kopf auch nur ein bisschen kippt, kann ich so vielfältig sein.

Prescription, Prescription,

Weißt du, Rezept

Prescription, Prescription,

Prescription, Prescription,

Prescription, Prescription, SHADE. SHADE.

Wie auch immer, das war's.

So anyways, yeah!

That's it! Uh, now we just kinda have to make this all fit into my backpack...

Ich muss jetzt nur noch alles in meinen Rucksack quetschen.

[ slam ] EHHHG How am I supposed to get that..? EUGHH

Wie soll ich das...

NYEH AAAAAAA [ le punch ] [ backpack sounds ]

Ich denke mal, wir haben's!

I guess that's it! So.. All we have left now is to...

Alles was jetzt noch übrig ist, diesen Ort zu verlassen und

...leave this place and get going.

loszulegen. Toodeloo!

Toodaloo! [ door eats joana ] Hey dudes.

Hey Leute, wie gehts?

How's it going? We're in the middle of butt-friken-nowhere here. You know? Nobody can hear you.

Wir sind mitten in Gott weiß wo, weißt du, keiner kann dich hören,

Doesn't matter how loud you yell. We're in the mi- We're far from civilization.

egal wie laut du schreist. Wir sind weit weg von der Zivilisation.

Nobody's around us.

Niemand ist um uns herum, alleine.

ALONE. Like, we're alone. Completely and utterly ALONE.

Wir sind alleine, komplett alleine.

What's the weapon of choice? For everyone

Einmal die Waffe der Entscheidung, für jedermann,

From nativE AMERICAN HUNTERS to Turkish armies-

aus nativ-amerikanischen Jägern zu türkischen Armeen.

Okay, so we're gonna-

Okay, wir werden...

IS THAT A DEAD SKUNK.

Ist das ein totes Stinktier?

That's a dead skunk!!

Das ist ein totes Stinktier!

That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!!

Das ist ein totes...

That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!!

That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!!

That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!! That's a dead skunk!!

Oh, es ist eine Waschbär!

That's a dead skunk!! That's a de-

WOW. That's a raccoon! ONLY IN THE WILD. Look at how primitive we are. [ giggles ]

Nur in der Wildnis! Guck wie primitiv wir sind.

Time for dinner! :D

Zeit für's Abendessen!

"Choose a long piece of wood"

"Wähle sein langes Stück Holz für den Bogen."

"for the bow" Okay. So now you go and find one for me Dad.

Okay, also geh jetzt und finde eins für mich, Papa.

So things to look for: According to Wikihow. *giggles*

OKay, Dinge, nach denen wir laut WikiHow schauen sollen

-"Needs to be dry." Like my sense of humor. :)

Muss trocken sein, wie mein Sinn für Humor.

-"About 1.8 meters in length"

Ungefähr 1,80 Meter Länge

That's really tall. [ lol's ]

Das ist sehr groß!

Oh, does this work?

Oh, funktioniert das? Zu kurz.

Too short... Oh! There! [ more lol's ]

Great! You found one!

Großartig, du hast einen gefunden!

Excellent. Okay.

Step 1's complete!

Okay, Schritt eins ist erledigt.

Hey guys, it's me, Logan Paul, AND I'M IN THE SUICIDE FOREST.

Hey Leute, ich bin's, Logan Paul, und ich bin im Suizid-Wald.

Schaut, es ist eine Leiche.

It's a dead body. -"Determine the natural" CUUURVE CUUURVE

"Bestimme die natürliche Kurve des Stocks."

CUUURVE CUUURVE CUUURVE CUUURVE

CUUURVE CUUURVE CUUURVE of

of the of STICK STICK STICK

STICK STICK STICK STICK

STICK STICK [ clang ]

[ clang ] We're gonna skip... ...Steps 2, 3 and 4.

Wir werden Schritt 2, 3 und 4

Yeah, 5... I guess you've already done 5 too...

Ja, Schritt 5...ich denke du hast Schritt 5 auch schon gemacht.

You know, being in the wild, completely removed from society, You end up going back to your roots.

Weißt du, in der Wildnis zu sein, entfernt von der Gesellschaft, wirst du zu deinen Wurzeln zurückkehren.

Nature has a way of humbling you.

Die Natur hat eine Art von Bescheidenheit in dir.

You learn to improvise.

Du lernst zu improvisieren.

Sometimes, you plan fray, get the beginning of B, get the beginning of B, skip C, And then D comes running around the corner at full speed.

Manchmal planst du Plan A, bekommt den Anfang von Plan B, überspringst Plan C und dann kommt Plan D mit voller Geschwindigkeit um die Ecke gerannt.

Das ist, was sie sagte...

that's what she said. Moral of the story is... If the shoe fits,

Und die Moral von der Geschichte, wenn der Schuh passt, trage ihn.

wear it. In fact, if the shoelaces are useful, why not take advantage of them?

Und wenn die Schnürsenkel nützlich sind, warum nicht davon profitieren?

Sure, our ancestors used things like

Klar, unsere Vorfahren nutzten Dinge wie Leinen, Gemüse,

linen, linen, vegetable fibers, linen, vegetable fibers, hemp,

Fasern, Hanf, Marihuana, Weed

linen, vegetable fibers, hemp, marijuana, linen, vegetable fibers, hemp, marijuana, weed, Or anything else they could kinda finess into string.

oder alles andere das sie in Schnur wandeln konnten.

But you know what? If I find it, and it works, Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal?

Aber wisst ihr was?! Wenn ich es finde und es funktioniert, wer sagt mir, dass es illegal ist?

Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal?

Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal?

Das scheint sehr nach einem "Ich-Problem", vielen Dank!

Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal?

Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal?

Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal?

Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal?

Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? Who's gonna tell me that it's illegal? That very much DOES seem like a you problem,

thank you very much. Katniss Everdeen didn't win the hunger games by following the rules!

Katniss Everdeen hat die Hungerspiele nicht gewonnen, weil sie sich an die Regeln gehalten hat,

She won it by getting in a love triangle.

Sie gewann, weil sie in eine Liebesgeschichte verwickelt war.

Peeta didn't survive because he knew how to fight.

Peeta überlebte nicht, weil er wusste wie man kämpt.

He made it because he was a makeup artist.

Er schaffte es, weil er ein Make-up Künstler war.

You know, if I ever found myself stuck in the Hunger Games...

Wisst ihr, wenn ich mich irgendwann mal in den Hungerspielen steckend sehe,

I'd just hide for the entire thing.

werde ich mich einfach währende dem Ganzen verstecken.

Like, I'd dig a hole, jump in it,

Ich grabe ein Loch, springe rein,

And then, you know, just wake me up when it's over!

und dann, weckt mich einfach auf wenn's vorbei ist.

Nobody will even know I'm there.

Niemand wird überhaupt wissen, dass ich dort bin.

Wait, where did my dad go?

Warte, wo ist meine Vater hingegangen?

What?? Where did he go??? How did he get there? [ laughs ]

Was, wo ist er hingegangen? Wie ist er da hingekommen?

T- [ lol's ] Okay, so, for this next bit... I'm gonna quote straight from the source.

Okay, für das nächste Bisschen, werde ich einfach von WikiHow zitieren:

Step 1: Select sticks for your arrows.

Schritt 1: "Wähle Stöcke für deine Pfeile aus."

Arrows should be formed from the straightest sticks you

"Pfeile sollten aus den straightesten (geradesten) Stöcken die du finden kannst, gemacht werden."

can find. Ugh, the homophobia.

Ugh...die Homophobie...

The wood should be dry...

Das Holz sollte trocken sein

a n d d e a d .

Now, Wikihow recommends that you you know, rocks or bone or glass to make your arrows pointy.

WikiHow empfiehlt, dass man Steine oder Knochen oder Glas verwendet, um die Pfeile spitz zu machen.

We're not in the Rocky Mountains.

Aber wir sind nicht in den Rocky-Mountains,

I'm not gonna kill an animal for its fricken

ich werde kein Tier für seinen verdammten Oberschenkel töten.

FEMUR. And I'm not gonna start a fire to melt some SAND.

Und ich werde kein Feuer machen um ein bisschen Sand zu schmelzen.

SO we resorted to simpler tools.

Also haben wir auf einfacherer Baumaterialien zurückgegriffen.

Namely, a kitchen knife.

Ein Küchenmesser.

Mama, das..., vielleicht vergisst du einfach diese Aufnahmen

Maybe forget this footage, you know? The next time you're doing the dishes

Weißt du, nächstes Mal wenn du den Abwasch machst und du dieses Messer siehst,

and you see this knife, NO. This knife HASN'T been used to cut sticks.

nein, dieses Messer wurde nicht benutzt, um Stöcke zu schneiden...

Okay great, so.. Now that you have,

Okay super. Jetzt wo wir unsere Pfeile haben,

you know, your arrows... You might notice that they aren't

hast du vielleicht bemerkt, dass sie nicht ganz gerade sind.

straight. Now what we're gonna do is fire straighten them.

Was wir jetzt tun werden ist, sie mit Feuer begradigen.

*the most cartoony swipe you'll ever hear*

AAA Okay.. Yeah, so I'll just uh be here...

Ja, also, ich werde hier einfach bis morgen bleiben...

und den Stock gerade halten...

Holding it straight.. At the end of the day, I think we can take away a lot from this.

Am Ende des Tages können wir glaube ich viel davon lernen...

I know that if I was stuck

Ich weiß, wenn ich in der Wildnis feststecken würde,

in the wild, alone, I wouldn't last 10 minutes.

alleine, ich würde keine 10 Minuten überleben.

I'd probably try to start a fire... accidently set the whole tree ablaze,

Ich würde wahrscheinlich versuchen ein Feuer zu machen, versehentlich den Baum anzünden

And suddenly we've got a wildfire in Banff National Park.

und auf einmal haben wir ein Buschfeuer im "Banff-National Park"

Also, it hasn't been said so I'm gonna say it now:

Auch wurde es nicht gesagt , also werde ich es jezt sagen:

BOWS BOWS ARE NOT

BÖGEN SIND KEIN SPIELZEUG.

BOWS ARE NOT TOYS. Quoting again from Wikihow:

Noch einmal zitierend von WikiHow:

DO NOT POINT A LOADED BOW AT ANYTHING YOU DO NOT INTEND TO KILL.

"Ziele nicht mit einem geladenen Bogen auf Irgendetwas, das du nicht beabsichtig töten willst."

If I hear from one of your parents

Wenn ich von irgendwelchen Eltern von euch höre,

that y'all wanted a bow,

dass ihr alle jetzt Bögen haben wollt,

because this strange girl named John on Youtube

weil dieses seltsame Mädchen namens Joana von Youtube einen hat.

has one, I'm DELETING YOUR SUBSCRIPTION.

Dann lösche ich euer Abonnement.

You know, Archery is a very difficult skill to learn...

Wisst ihr, Bogenschießen ist eine ziemlich schwierige Fähigkeit zu lernen.

just look at my dad. *lol's*

Schaut euch nur mal meinen Vater an:

Anyways dudes, that's it..

Wie auch immer Leute, das war's, das ist alles, was ich zu sagen habe.

That's all I have to say. I hope you enjoyed this video, I hope you're all doing well.

Ich hoffe, ihr habt das Video genossen, ich hoffe, euch allen geht's gut,

And quarantine still hasn't done a number on you yet.

und die Quarantäne hat euch noch nicht untergekriegt.

So, yeah.. I'll leave you with that.

Also ja, ich werde mich hiermit verabschieden.

Stay funky, stay spunky,

Bleibt funky, bleibt spunky,

bleibt spicey und wir sehen uns im Nächten.

And I'll see you in the next one. Toodles.

I see... that you have decided to stay.

Ich sehe, du hast dich entschieden zu bleiben.

And now, the rest of the video you can read on screen..

Okay, ich habe mir letztens ihre Videos angeschaut

It is time for us to part ways.

und ich MUSS das einfach sagen

These captions were done by Nostalgic Ren.

Habe gerade ihr Video von ihrer Erpresser-Email gesehen,

Enjoy this last chaotic part of the video.. And, thank you for watching with my captions!

indem sie darüber spricht, wie "..." sie anwidert. Sie unternimmt nichts mit ihren Freunden, sie lernt die ganze Zeit, geht ÜBERALL mit ihren Eltern hin,

isst jeden Tag das Gleiche Das ist einfach NICHT NORMAL, wie ich finde, tut mir Leid. Ihr Leben ist langweilig und miserabel.

Du kannst nicht zu viel mit deinen Eltern rumhängen und sich auf sie verlassen, Wie zur HÖLLE soll sie überleben, wenn sie STERBEN?! Ich meine, komm schon, lebe ein bisschen. Mach etwas aufregendes und riskantes und hör' auf dich wie eine 2-Jährige zu benehmen während du wie eine 50-Jährige denkst.

Oh Gott... Okay Boomer.

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