Amanda (May/June 2020) Soft White Underbelly English English (auto-generated)

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(rubbery sound)

[Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause]

- [Mark] Hey Amanda. - Hi. Hey guys.

hey mater hi hanging there as one of the

I just wanted to say, I feel uncomfortable,

same I got fun comfortable the guy

the guy videotaping me right now,

videos checking right around the same

sent the same messages through basically is me.

same messages through basically is me

You know what I'm saying is making me feel

letting us hear is making me feel like

like he regrets helping me right now.

he regrets helping me right now so I

- [Mark] I don't regret helping you.

don't regret helping you yeah I would

I would love to help you. (Amanda laughing)

love to help you

- [Mark] Good morning Amanda.

Tamura Amanda hey my second video today

Hey, it's my second video today. I just wanted to say my thoughts are translated

I just wanted to say my thoughts are

translated in my machine so you should

So you should think about that.

think about that like somebody is

Like somebody is thinking and typing,

thinking and typing so I'm not trying to

so I'm not trying to make that stuff the truth. Like they can make me feel like all of it's not the truth

make that stuff to truth like they can make me feel like all this muscle truth

so it's not healthy to really listen to me

so it's not a healthy to really listen

because it makes people my last video, because just

to me because it makes people my last video because just one last video

my last video, because it makes me paranoid and nervous.

because it makes you paranoid and

So I just really want to sit down and I love Almighty

nervous so I just really wanted to say that out and I love Almighty

and I love Michael, Dub, everybody.

I love Michael dove everybody autumn ski

Aunty Lindsay, Mark, hey right here.

mark hey right here and I'm it how do

(Mark laughing) - [Mark] Amanda how do, how do you spend your day?

you spend your time this I just know I

- I'm just, I just know I should be murdered

should be murdered because I'm just not

because I'm just not fitting in.

fitting in I'm just too much of a

I'm just too much of a looker and a listener. You know what I'm saying?

liqueur and listener and I'm saying the

The world is on some, we don't fuck with that.

world is awesome we don't [ __ ] with that

so no matter how do you spend your days

- [Mark] Amanda how do you spend your days now? - Well I spend my days talking to myself,

now well I spend my days talking to

basically tryna-

myself basically shaman do you have any friends

- [Mark] Do you have any friends? - I mean, I can have friends,

I mean I can have friends but the

but the system's just like you too-

systems is fighting you two I feel like

I feel like all, everything I have to say

everything has the same things people

makes people, makes the world just too

will mix the world just too

(engine roaring)

- [Mark] Where would you like to be in a year?

girge like to be in a year

- I find the system's scamming me,

flying is the system scamming me cuz

'cause like I know I'm at a point where, I mean, overall

like I know I'm at a point where I mean

the person I am, I became, I hope, you know what I'm saying?

overall the person I am I became I hope

They continue to give people these systems

you know can they continue to give

because it helped me feel.

people these systems because it helped me feel I know the best me is too much

I know the best me is too much of a listener and looker.

of a listener and liquor so I'm just not

So I'm just not ready for this world.

ready for this run realist man liquor I

If you're a listener and a looker, I just noticed you gotta have money.

just noticed you gotta have money bang

Bang. You know what I'm saying? Shit to sit on. So, I mean, I'm a minority to so.

I'm saying [ __ ] to sit on so I mean I'm a minority to lose some mmm I was just

(Amanda chuckling) I was just telling her I mean, my mom died so,

telling I mean my mom guys so what she

or she didn't I don't know.

didn't um your dad's very helpful

- [Mark] Your dad's very helpful. - No, he's cool. - [Mark] Your dads a great guy

you know he's cool he's cool you know

He's cool. He's a listener.

it's never good he can't be hey you're

He can be. - [Mark] You're lucky to have the dad you do. - Yeah.

lucky to ever dad you do yeah he's real

- He's real soulful and American-

soulful and American is this one's the

- [Mark] He just wants the best for you. - He's perfect.

best for you he's for me yeah but you're

(Amanda laughing) - [Mark] Well, you're a handful. - Yeah.

a handful yeah you're difficult yeah

- [Mark] You're difficult. - Yeah. It's too much.

it's two months yeah I need to go

I need to go. - [Mark] Okay. I need to go so you guys can chill.

Isaac oh so you guys can chill huh thank

- [Mark] Okay. - Thank you.

- [Mark] So Amanda, it seems like the medication

so Amanda it seems like the medication

that your dad and I are giving you seems to be helping you.

that your dad and I are giving you seems

- Yeah. My new name is Low, so let's just keep it Low, you know what I'm say-

to be helping you yeah my my name is low so let's just keep it low you know Sierra may be nice

- [Mark] You changed your name? - keep it nice and pretty. Yeah. I changed it to Low. - [Mark] Okay.

and pretty yet I changed it to low so I

So I just want to explain, like,

just want to explain like I didn't know

I didn't know. I know things sometimes, so it's up to God

I know things sometimes so we started to

and the people that robot me to remind me of things.

garden the people that robot me to

So I'm so sorry

remind me of things so I'm so sorry for

for any pain that I caused anybody or anything.

any pain that I caused anybody or anything

How you guys doin?

how you guys doing I just wanted to make

I just want to make another video

another video and watch the office

at Mark's office because I wanted to talk

because I wanted to talk about the

about the feeling that I get when I get high

feeling I get when I get high and guys

and you guys get horny.

good morning it's just not good you know

This is not good. You know what I'm saying? And how I'd act if you guys didn't fix me up America.

Chan and how I would act if you guys in

And I think that I've been,

fix me up America I think that I've been

I've been acting like that so long,

I'm asking like that so long is this

it's just like, it's natural.

like it should it's natural you know tan

You know what I'm saying? Maybe they should stop roboting me so I can see.

maybe they should stop robot at me so I

But it's just like, I just don't like

can see but it's just lying I just don't

we all gotta check out that feeling I get

like we all got to check out that

when I get high.

feeling that I get when I get high you

You know what I'm saying?

know and it's not just about Michael

It's not just about Michael seeing me that I'm sloppy.

seeing me that I'm sloppy I mean it is

I mean, it is, but it's just like

but it's just like I just don't like

I just don't like that feeling. So you guys gotta check it out

that feeling so you guys gotta check it

and (inaudible) that's it. - [Mark] All right.

out enjoys fun mm-hmm that's it

- [Mark] All right Amanda, what's going on?

all right Amanda what's going on I was

- I was just going to say like

just gonna say like I'm sorry fair and

I'm sorry for the pain that everybody's been through.

the pain that everybody's been through

If you look at my storyline

if you look at my storyline I'll take

I take pain very, very seriously.

pain very very seriously um when it

When it comes to the media

comes to the media and me and I being in

and me not being in the media,

the media I don't care what's going on

I don't care what's going on anymore. If I hear music or something I'm just like

anymore if I hear music or someone just

turn that radio off I don't wanna hear that shit.

like turn that radio on catch it mm I don't give a [ __ ] what's going on

And I don't give a fuck what's going on. As long as people not in rooms

as long as people not in rooms and

in pain or people not in pain,

painting or people not in paint

I've realized now I'm like answering it directly. So it's like, maybe I did it.

I've realized now I'm like answering directly feels like maybe I did it but

But it's like, now that I see these like scams and how people were in a scam.

it's like now that I see like scams and how people get scammed because I feel

Cause I feel like I was scammed my storyline.

like I was scammed in my storyline you

You don't know what people done.

don't know what people doing you don't

You don't know nothing

know nothing that's just a video that

unless it's a video of them doing it.

I'm doing it or even that's that's

Or even now that's manipulated. You know what I'm saying?

manipulating you know I'm seeing people

People know who I am with no life.

know how I am with no life you know I'm

You know what I'm saying? It made me see things that other people don't see. And I feel like people seeing me low,

hearing it made me see things that other people don't see and I feel like people see me though they got used to it

they got used to it. So they probably reorthodoxed theyselves.

so they probably retorted like say cells

You know what I'm saying?

you know I'm seeing with certain things

With certain things because they can't sleep with it.

cuz they can't sleep with it but that's

But that's not me getting on them right now.

not me getting on them right now you

You know what I'm saying?

know I was here just overall the [ __ ]

Just overall I don't give a fuck what's goin' on in media.

was going on in me I can't even watch TV

I can't even watch TV. That hurts me. Like turn that off.

that [ __ ] hurts me I turn that [ __ ] off

They just sent a feeling.

they just sent a feeling I don't know

I don't know what that means.

what that means

All I know is a storyline in my head.

all I know is the storyline in my head

They like making me look stupid

they like making me look stupid and they

and they don't want to see me in a certain way.

don't want to see me in a certain way

And there are certain times where they're like do this now or this will happen.

and there are certain times where they like do this now or this will happen do

Do this now or this is will happened. So I don't be doing those things.

this now or this weapon so I don't be

I'm like fuck it.

doing those things I'm like [ __ ] you I

I wanna to get some crack.

wanna get some crack like I'll be lazy

Like I be lazy. You get me? Like, do this now your whole world would change.

UK me but I do this now your whole world

Do this now or somebody's going to die.

was saying you do this now or am I

Do this now and you'll be up $2 million.

gonna do this now and you'll be up to

I don't be doing that stuff in my storyline.

million dollars I'd only doing that

Like, I'm just like, it's always a situation.

stuff in my storyline my I'm just like it's always a situation and then they

And then they had to get me in my head right now saying

had get in my hair right now saying I

I don't know what y'all what's going on,

don't know what's all this what's going

what y'all think, I don't know who scammed me.

on with something I don't know who scare

It's probably a celebrity that thinks I'm going to

me the surprise of celebrities I think

see something in the media and get mad.

so I'm gonna see something in the media

I don't give a fuck,

and get mad I'll be fine as long as

as long as people not in pain I don't give a fuck.

people aren't in pain I'm gonna [ __ ] K

Kim K you wanna to put me in pain?

you wanna put me in pain take me out of

Take me out of pain right now?

pain right now and we'll talk we'll talk

We'll talk, we'll talk business about money, money.

business about money money you can't I'm

You know what I'm saying? I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving me money

sure you wouldn't mind giving me money

if you did that to me

if you didn't ask me and you're over the

and you're over the whole situation. So that's just it,

whole situation so that's this it's not

it's not her it might be somebody else.

her it might be somebody else I don't

I don't know. I'm just talking about my storyline.

know I'm just talking on my storyline no

- [Mark] Amanda what pain are you in?

matter what pain are you in I'm in

I'm in mental pain because I get here to cry

mental pain because I give you here the

because then I hit it and was like, it's not enough. And it's like, I realized I try to treat crack

crimes am i hitting and it's like it's not enough and it's like I realized I

like it's crystal or a weed and that's a mistake.

try to treat crack like it's crystal weed and that's a mistake so I might get

So I might get on crystal

on Christopher we all I know is I'm

or weed all know is I'm always on my way to my last hit.

always on my way to my last heat and

And then I'm supposed to be electrocuted or whatever.

then I'm supposed to be in executed or

If I'm dying and they cloning me

whatever if I'm dying and they calling

then I got a problem with that.

me then I got a problem with that I

I don't want to be clone.

don't want to be cloned and that's what

And I seriously don't wanna be cloned

you don't want to be following bedrooms

all alone in bedrooms where people having sex.

were you having sex I see some white

I seen some white girl yesterday,

girl yesterday they said the same thing

they says the same things happened to her.

was happening to her she was mean

She was being compared to another girl on some sexual.

compared to another girl some sexual and

And they're saying, I think I'm cool 'cause I said that.

they're saying think I'm cool cuz I said

That's what I'm saying somebody is scared of me

that that's what I'm saying somebody is scared of me being cool and

being cool and I get that,

I get that whoever you are I get that

whoever you are, I get that. You know what I'm saying?

you know I'm scared that's it what do

That's it. - [Mark] What do you see for your future?

you see for your future for my future I

For my future, I see myself getting electrocuted to death

see myself getting educated together so

so that all this pain will stop.

that all this pain will stop they said I

They say that switching worlds and all that is 'til I'm dead,

switching roles and eyes tom day I know

I know I died before. You know what I'm saying?

I God before you know I'm seeing I don't

I don't know if I'm on,

know if I want I'm not being seen on the

I'm not being seen on the low key so this boy because he's putting me in forever pain.

Loki so this boy cuz he's putting me forever pain that's what I'm saying I

That's what I'm saying. I just noticed right now,

just notice right now not a problem with

nah I gotta problem with the girl.

the girl I just started ringing

I just thought right now. - [Mark] Amanda. Just know, I don't know what's going on.

I just know I don't know what's going on

So the way people are scammed, it's like, I don't even talk.

so the way people are scared to say I

Like nothing's going to add up to

don't even talk right nothing's gonna add up to the feeling

the feeling and I have no life.

and I don't know why that's why I see

That's why I see things people don't see.

things people don't see and that's why

And that's why I be orthodoxing new stuff.

be worth the life setting new stuff like

Like, you know what I'm saying?

you know I'm seeing like oh we need a

Like, oh, we need a word to this.

words and his we need a feeling snitch

We need a feelings to this. So I don't know what I'm saying.

so I don't know what I'm saying

Ultimately overall with all this stuff.

Oh something wrong with all this stuff I

I just know (inaudible) I know (mumbling)

just know they send the failures I know

I know I think I was given a machine

I think I was given a machine with a

with a storyline because I don't have no friends.

story line cuz I have no friends I

I definitely can make friends.

definitely can make friends that's what

That's what I'm saying I know I can make friends.

I'm saying I know I can make friends so

So who put this?

who put this but it's also helping me

But it's also helping me.

you know see and they gave me a way

You know what I'm saying? And they gave me a waist surgery and all the stuff they're saying in the surgery

surgery and all this stuff they're saying in the surgery they put something

they put something around my heart

around my heart so that when I'm

so that when I'm electrocuted, I'm not gon' die.

electrocuted I'm not gonna die so I was

So Imma just be in forever pain, just sitting there.

just being forever pains and singing so

So I don't know if that's gon' happen. (Amanda coughing)

I don't know that's behind me over on

Overall some shit right,

some [ __ ] right I got over a nervous

I got over a nervous condition, so I don't wanna die.

condition so I don't want a guy but I

But I see what y'all be on,

seen we try behind our faces will be

your faces, what be going on? So I'm like I,

going all right so I'm like

I can't be here.

I can't beer and I don't like being

And I don't like being uncomfortable. So I'm on my way

uncomfortable soul I'm on my way to my

last [ __ ] give me like a big guy speech

gives me like a big ass speeds. And I sit there and I do run away.

and I sit there and I do run away but

But then sometimes I get into conversation.

then sometimes I get into conversation I

I don't- Exactly! (Amanda exclaiming)

exactly uh I know why I'm come I get

I don't know why every time I get high it's in your head!

hives in your head that's the Machine I

That's the machine! I try to tell the machine,

gotta tell the machine the machine be on

the machine be on some I'm just about some crack.

son I'm just about to cry I'm like knows

I'm like no, how you give me crack it's like,

how you giving me crying it's like I

I need it for water or food.

need it for water or food you don't and

You know what I'm saying? So the next time I take my last hit

so the next time I take my last year I'm

I'm going to get on some turnt shit

gonna get on some turns sheet on the

on the machine and hopefully it'll kill me.

machine and hopefully it'll kill me they

They sayin' in my waist surgery that they put something around my heart. So,

sang in my way surgery that uh they put something around my heart so yeah be on

yeah. Be on the lookout for ambulance

the lookout for a place for somebody

or somebody with a gun

with a gun or something to come shoot me

or something to come shoot me to get me out of pain.

to get me on a pain I didn't put no

I definitely didn't put nobody in pain.

money in pain if you see my storyline

If you see my storyline, like nah this girl is not gon' put nobody in pain.

like nah this girl is not gonna put

That's why I can't commit suicide, because of the seriousness of the pain thing.

another anything and that's why I can't commit suicide because the seriousness of the painting oh I know people with

Oh, I know people with money.

money they go through different

They go through different situations where

situations where it's okay to kill it's

it's okay to kill, it's okay to molest, it's okay to steal and all that stuff.

ok MLS it's okay that's still and all

And then they reorthodox theyselves to forget.

this stuff and then they retorted actually selves to forget and I'm still

And I'm still here.

here I don't know if my storyline became

I don't know if my storyline became real to the world but somebody just said, nah.

real to the world but somebody said yeah

So I don't know if you're asking

so know if you're asking like me and you

like me and you don't want me to see

don't want me to see that you're acting

that you're asking like me, I don't care.

like me I don't care

Like, but if it's going to give me gas

like baby's gonna give me gas cuz you're

cause you're like a celebrity, then let me get that gas.

like a celebrity then let me get that

You, like if you know my life,

guys you alright you know my wife I need

I need love, I need some confidence.

some love I need some confidence okay

But overall I'm always on my way to my last hit,

but overall I'm on my way to my last hit

on my storyline.

in my storyline if I don't get killed

If I don't get killed, I'm thinking right now

I'm thinking right now to my last hit

to my last hit right now and I turn up and you know what I'm saying?

right now and I turn up and you know I'm Sierra

Then I go to the police

then I'll go to the police and I'll go

and I go to the mental home

through them it's wrong I'm gonna he's

I'm gonna to hit this last hit,

this last year turn up

turn up if it doesn't kill me, then I'm gonna go to the police or the mental home

it doesn't kill me there I mean I please

or go to sleep on the street

go to my song or go to sleep on the

and sell my jackets off for another hit.

street and so my daddy's home my another

But I definitely gon' be in the mental home today. (Amanda laughing) - [Mark] Amanda, your, your family and I

name God everything will go being in this room today your family and a few

and a few other people that have known you in the past

other people that have known you in the

are trying to help you.

past are trying to help you

- No, they're not. - [Mark] Yes we are. - Oh okay.

no they're not yes we are okay yes we

(Mark laughing)

- [Mark] Yes we are.

you're the one who's being resistant

You're the one who's being resistant. - Yeah.

yeah and do you see that maybe you're

- [Mark] And do you see that maybe

getting in your own way in terms of

you're getting in your own way in terms of maybe getting your life together?

maybe getting your life together and you

- If you think I'm a different person

think I'm a different person then you

than who I looked to you,

want to look to somebody else's

somebody else's orthodoxing that. And they telling me to show me that I'm nothing, and that, to teach me a, to show me what I am

orthodoxy marry and they telling me to show me that I'm nothing and I'm that to teach me to show me what I am to the

to the world versus what the storyline is telling me.

world versus what the storyline is

But I don't have no life and we don't have no life.

telling me but I don't have no life and

You see things exactly the way they are.

we are my life you see things exactly the way they are it's telling me that

It's telling me that certain things

certain things that is boosting my

that is boosting my confidence

confidence but you're going to see that

but y'all gotta see that that fuel is going somewhere else.

that fuel is going somewhere else other

Other than me thinking I'm all that.

than me thinking I'm all that and it's

And it's telling me

telling me that in a textbook science

that in a textbook science project, mathematics way that that's what's going on.

project mathematics way that that's what's going on there's different means

There's different me's running around here electronic

running around your electronic around

around the city and stuff like that.

the city and stuff like that and I want

And I want to know who is doing that.

to know who is doing that you need to

You need to stop, because where I am I'm not gonna annoy nobody,

stop because the way I am I'm not gonna

I'm not gonna do nothing

know where nobody am i exactly today I

Exactly! Today I said, when I was smoking,

said when I was smoking away in the car

I'm like in the cut and then I'm gonna get murdered.

and then I'm gonna get murdered like you

Like, you know what I'm saying?

know they're on behind the scenes I'm

I'm behind the scenes. I'm annoying everybody.

annoying everybody and then I get

And then I get murdered.

murdered I definitely know I'm not

I definitely know I'm not supposed to be here anymore.

supposed to be here anymore I look very

I look very young. Somebody take my growth spurt,

young somebody take my growth spurt

whatever out of my body.

whatever out of my body that's what I'm

That's what I'm saying, whoever this is, you.

saying whoever this is you that's not

That's what I'm saying for future,

saying for future um for future

for future reference if somebody is scamming you

reference if somebody is scamming you

don't get on them on some,

don't get on their most um you know she

you know what I'm saying? Get on the problem.

ain't get on the problem you know yeah

You know what I'm saying? Thinking you're all that.

I'm thinking you're all that so what was

So what was I saying just now?

now I forgot but I know the main thing

But I know the main thing is that's what's goin' on. So,

is that's what's going on so I'm not out

I'm not out here tryna be nobody else.

here trying to beat nobody else the

The storyline is trying to show me something,

storyline is trying to show me something

but that I fuel for the confidence thing

that fuel for the confidence thing is

is going somewhere else and I can feel it all day.

going somewhere else and I can feel it all day and if you see me out here

And if you see me out here, the Amanda with skin, I'm real humble. So just know that-

Amanda with skin I'm real humble so just

- [Mark] Amanda, you- - I like how that (inaudible) - [Mark] Amanda you spend your entire,

know that I gotta fire you spend your

you spend your day just basically looking for fre-

day just basically looking but gonna

- They tryna scam me off some me on the computer at home.

scare me up some me on the computer i

I just be on YouTube all day - [Mark] Amanda. listening to music and Tumblr that's it.

singing this music and somewhere that's

- [Mark] Amanda. Amanda.

being read Amanda it's a Larry time

- So whoever trying to scam me, they need to stop.

scare me I made it you basically spend

- [Mark] Amanda, you basically spend your day hunting

your day hunting yeah why looking for

looking for crack, right?

crack right yeah my last Hey

- Yeah. I'm on my last hit. I have a storyline in my head.

I have a story line in my head I'm on my

I'm on my last hit. I'm thinking my voice is being done by somebody else

last head I'm thinking my voice is being done by somebody else who sitting at

who's sitting at home with their homies.

home with their homies and they're doing

And they're doing this because

this because of something that happened

of something that happened with my ex boyfriend.

with my ex-boyfriend where he was

Where he was cheating on me, cheating on me at his job.

cheating on me cheating on me at his job

I'm at home, calling him all day.

I'm at home calling them are they the

The women are going to his job to cheat.

women are going to drive to cheat and

And they're saying this shit hits basically

they're saying this [ __ ] basically this

this hot hits because basically

hot hits because basically I don't want

I don't wanna keep bringing up this stuff

to keep bringing up just because I know

because I know people with money,

people with money loss [ __ ] or whoever

boss niggas or (inaudible) they like to go,

they like to go they don't like to

they don't like to remember the same stuff

remember the same stuff their whole life

their whole life. So I feel like I'm being a burden.

so I feel like I'm being a burden you

You know what I'm saying?

know Chan to these people and I don't

To these people and I don't even hang out with 'em.

even hang out with them so in saying

So they're saying something about some

something about something they don't

they don't want me to be the face of it.

want me to be the face of it every time

Every time they bring it up,

they bring it and then I want to know oh

they don't wanna know. She put me on to that.

she put me on to that so I'm trying to

So I'm trying to tell them first one,

show them first why anything

I ain't finna be running around here, telling everybody about it.

everybody anybody if I become close to

If I become close to somebody, I'll tell them

somebody I'm selling but I don't know

but I don't want no lawyers heat or nobody. So that's it.

Louise heater nobody so that's it that's

That's it. Bye. - [Mark] Bye Amanda. - But yeah, overall (censored) cheated on me and (censored)

it bye we're here over on cheating on me

and I'm calling him all day and it makes the sex better.

in pee and I'm calling them all day and that makes the sex better you know that

You know what I'm say?

makes the sake Hey

That makes the sex hit. So they said that they gave me the storyline

so they said that they gave me the story

that down here and the surgery,

line that down here in the surgery

because that happened and I keep escaping or whatever.

because that happened and I keep escaping or whatever and sometimes I get

And sometimes I get caught up in my conversation.

quite a bit of our conversation just

regular exactly I'm always in regular

Exactly. I'm always in regular conversation with myself all the time.

conversation with myself all this hi

So you think I'm getting high, thinking I'm a speaker or something when that's what I'm doing all day anyway. So that's it.

so you think I'm getting high when I'm doing all day anyway so thank you

Hopefully I get a forty (inaudible). - [Mark] You do miracles, that's what I see. - [Amanda] Thank you.

- [Mark] All right darlin' - [Amanda] If you're tryna come down here and help somebody, your family, I don't try to be a person ain't nobody or tryna seem like somebody else.

Like I said the storyline is telling me it's trying to show me that I'm not important or that. You know what I'm sayin'?

- [Mark] I get what you're saying. - [Amanda] But I think overall if celebrities are getting cloned by my machine my machine just told me today my machine

somewhere where nobody can find it because my- (sound fading out)

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