Crystal Meth Addict-Gloria Soft White Underbelly English English (auto-generated)

Crystal Meth Addict-GloriaYouTube↗ IA↗(long shot)
Film & Animation 387.4K views 5.8K likes 144 dislikes 05 Apr 2020

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- [Laita] All right Gloria.

right Gloria Gloria wait for it

Gloria, where are you from originally? Where'd you grow up?

where'd you grow up I was born in

- I was born in Lancaster.

Lancaster at a bee Hospital

At AV Hospital.

and tell me about your family you had

- [Laita] And tell me about your family. You had both your parents growing up?

both your parents growing up my birth

- My birth mom abandoned me and

mom abandoned me and she was on drugs

she was on drugs. And when I was an infant.

when I was an infant she that anything

She let anything happen to me like,

happened to me like they did you know

they did you know, finger me and all that,

finger me you know like when I was a

when I was a baby. She was just sitting there to just,

baby she was just sitting there just you

you know watching to get the drugs

know watching to get the drugs because

cause she was, you know, desperate for it.

she was you know desperate for it or

Or whatever. And then I don't know how long it was going. So she you know keep,

whatever and then I don't know how long it was going and so she you know keep

you know always doing it to get the drugs or whatever.

you know always doing it to get the

- [Laita] So basically selling you out?

drugs or whatever it is I'm selling you

- Yeah basically, you know, letting things happen to me.

out yeah basically you know laying

And I guess Mike found out.

things happen to me and I guess my found

So they took me from hers.

out so they took me from her so I was in

So I was in a lot of different foster homes getting beat. Shot up with heroin, left for dead.

a lot of different foster homes getting be shared with her on that four day and

And like you know, traumatized or whatever.

like you know traumatize or whatever

Then my birth mom found out that she was pregnant

then my breath mom found out that she

with twins, with my sister and her twin brother.

was pregnant with twins with my sister

And she was still doing drugs.

and her twin brother and she was still

And she was in a garage and she gave birth to them.

doing drugs and she was in a garage and

Tried to toss them like they was trash. And they, she put them in a trash bag,

she gave birth to them tried to toss them like there was trash and they she put them in the trash bag toilet

tied them up and tried to you know,

tied him up and tried them you know

toss them in the trashcan and stuff.

Charles them in the trash can and stuff

The neighbors saw, so they called 9-1-1.

the neighbors saw so they called him one

She got arrested, so she's doing life.

she got arrested so she's doing life and

And I don't know her first name and none of that.

I don't know her first name and then I

I don't know nothing about her,

don't know nothing about her I don't

I don't know nothing about my father.

know nothing by my father but my baby

But my baby brother didn't survive but she did.

brother didn't survive but she did like

Like she's 14 now, you know,

she's 14 now you know she don't know she

she don't know she's, you know confused and stuff.

a you know confused and stuff and you

And you know. And I didn't even know until my adoptive mom told me.

know and I didn't even know until my adopted mom told me we didn't know she

We didn't even know she was our adoptive mom

was our adoptive mom until she told us

until she told us when I was like, probably like seven years old.

when I was like Kyrie like seven years

And she was like, you know, a little younger.

old and she was like you know a little younger every thought she was our birth

And we thought she was our birth mom. We felt bad, sad, depressed,

mom we feel bad side depressed like we

like we was wondering like, who's our birth mom?

was wondering like who was our birth mom

What's she look like?

what she looked like where we came from

Where we came from? She told us and this and that.

churches she told uh it's in the snap

She told her that she gave,

she told her that she gave she was born

she was born in a garage and I was born in AV,

in the garage I was burning it baby hi

Hospital and stuff and then we was like

And then we was like, you know, torn,

you know torn but at the same time you

but at the same time you know, we gotta, you know, suck it up or whatever.

know we gotta you know suck it up or

And, I was 14 whatever.

whatever and I was 14 or whatever my god

My god-dad passed away before my 15th birthday.

dad passed away before my 15 birthday it

He was (mumbles) or whatever,

was summer ties or whatever I didn't

I didn't know what to do.

know what to do

I started thinking negative about myself.

started thinking negative about myself

He was the only person I could open up to or go to, and trust.

he was the only person I could open up to go to and trust him a couple of days

Him, couple days later I find out my auntie passed away.

later I found out my uncie passed away a

Couple days later my cousin passed away,

couple days later in my cousin passed

like three deaths at once.

away like three deaths at once in

In different months and years and stuff.

different months and year and stuff and

And I thought I can't do it no more.

I thought I can't do it no more so I

So I started hanging out with the wrong crowd.

start hanging out the wrong crowd

Got us to weed, weed and alcohol, started drinking.

God just - we weed and alcohol so

Thought I was cool, so ran away from home,

drinking thought it was cool so ran away

got on the street.

Going back and forth.

been on the street going back and forth

And I'd do whatever to, you know, to fit in,

and I'd do whatever to you know to fit

cause I didn't know how to fit in.

in because I didn't know how to fit in I

I was looking for love in the wrong places.

was looking for love in the wrong places

And trusting guys, got set up, got raped.

and trusting guys got set up got a gun

Gun pulled to my head twice.

put to my head twice forced me to you

Forced me to, you know, do stuff with guys to make money

know do stuff with guys to make money or

sell drugs if I don't do it they gonna

If I don't do it, they gonna end my life or end my family life.

in my life were in my family life and I

And I didn't wanted that.

didn't wanted that so I started doing

So I started doing whatever I gotta do

whatever I got a dude's order to keep my

to order to keep my family alive and keep myself alive.

family life and keep myself a life and

And so I started selling drugs.

so I started selling drugs started

Started stealing from the stores,

stealing from stores selling baby

selling baby clothes, shoes and all that.

clothes she was and all that and then

And then got caught up with my ex

got caught up with my ex and for a

for a burglary that I didn't do,

burglary died I didn't do so I went up

so I went up, got locked up at 16.

got locked up at 16 been in there for

Been in there for like a month.

Got out on, supposed to be on house arrest,

got out on supposed to be on house

but I didn't get out on house arrest.

arrest but I didn't get our own house

I went home. Me and my mom get in an argument,

arrest I went home me and my mom getting

she was accusing me of stealing her cigarettes,

an argument she was accusing me of

accusing me of stealing her stuff out her room

stealing her say you're accusing me of not stealing her stuff out her room or

or out the cabinet without asking.

out the cabin there without asking and

And every time my little sister do stuff,

every time my little sister do something

she'd blame it on me.

she'd blame me on me and I started

And I started feeling some type of way.

feeling some type of way

Started like, oh nobody care about me, nobody love me.

started like Oh nobody care about me

So I started splitting my wrists, started,

nobody loved me so I started splitting

try to overdose three times.

my wrist I tried overdosed three times

Didn't work and I was like,

didn't work I was like [ __ ] it whatever

"Fuck it it's whatever." And you know, just you know, running in the street.

and you know just you know bringing the

Fighting left and right. And I didn't like that and I regret it.

street-fighting left or right and and I didn't like that and I regret it and

And stuff. But it's like, it's really hard.

stuff but it's like it's really hard now

Now I started writing poetry, you know, telling my story.

start writing poetry's you know telling

It's kinda hard to tell my story

my story it's kind of hard to tell my

cause sometimes when I talk about it

story because sometimes when I talk

I start crying a little bit, kinda hurt.

about it I start crying a little bit

But sometimes I gotta suck it up, you know,

kind of hurt but sometimes I gotta suck

to let other people know that they not alone.

it up you know to let other people to

Cause at first I thought I was by myself,

know that they're not alone because at first I thought I was by myself I

I thought I was alone.

thought I was alone I didn't know

I didn't know anybody had anything in common.

anybody had anything to comment you know

You know, I thought nobody believed me,

I thought nobody believed me nobody

nobody trusted me, nobody cared, none of that.

trusts me nobody cares and then that but

But I do have somebody who do care.

I do have somebody do care it's like

It's like I've been pushing everybody

I've been pushing everybody that care

that care about me and love me,

about me and love me and brung that

and brung the negative from around me

negative around me and push away that

and pushed away the positive. And I realized it in

positive and I realized that in October

October 11th, 2018. I gotta introduced to crys.

11 2008 een I got reduced to Chris I was

I was depressed, I was tryna end my life that day,

depressed I was trying to in my life

but someone was like,

that day but someone was I don't do that

"Don't do that, just smoke this, have fun."

just smoke this have fun so he was

So he was controlling me, every time, you now,

controlling me every time you know he

he had me smoke it, he started ripping my clothes up,

had me smoking he started ripping my clothes off start

started, you know, doing stuff that I didn't approve,

you know doing stuff that I didn't

he'd get on top of me, do whatever.

improve you get on top of me do whatever

He controlled me, I can't leave out his sight.

he controlled me I can't leave out his

He'd get mad when I'm talking to another guy.

side he get mad when I'm talking to a

And I told him I'm not his female

nun guy and I taught mom and I his

and he's claiming me. And I finally tried to got away October 30th. And that day I tried to overdose,

female he's claiming me and I finally try to got away October 30th and that

that day I almost died if I never got rushed to the hospital

day I try to overdose that day almost died if I never got rushed to a hospital

I coulda died that day. And my adoptive mom found out, she came out here,

I could have died that day and my doctor mom found out she came out here came all

came all the way to Lancaster from Victorville.

the way to Lancaster from Victorville to

To get me, talk to me, telling me like,

get me talked to me telling me like why

"Why you doing these drugs,

are you doing these drugs I don't

"I don't understand why you can't talk to me.

understand why you can't talk to me you

"You could come and tell me anything."

could come and tell me anything but

But that's the thing, I'm kinda scare to tell her stuff

that's think I'm kind of scared to touch stuff

cause I know how she gets.

because I know how she gets she she

She reacts over little things.

react over little things she get mad she

She get mad, she cuts me out, she bring up the past.

cuts me out she bring up the past she's

She's always saying,

always saying oh you're hang on vision

"Oh you ain't gonna be shit. "You gone be like your birth mom,

you don't be like your birth mom doing

"doin' drugs on these streets or being in prison.

drugs on these streets or being in

"If you keep it up, you need to you know,

prison you keep it up you need to like

"fix your life around, you have siblings,

you know fix your life around you have

"your sister is looking up to you."

suddenly your sister is looking up to

And then when she said that I started breaking down,

you and then when she said that I started

like fuck, like I don't want my sister

breaking down like [ __ ] like I don't

go through the things that I been through.

want my sister go through the things that I've been through I don't want no

I don't want no kids go through the things

kids go through the things that I've

that I been through.

been through because it's not right at

Cause it's not right at all.

all cuz the things that I've been

Cause the things that I been through and she been through,

through and she been through it's not

it's not our fault, it's our parents' fault, you know?

our fault it's our parents fault you

But at the same time it's like, I forgive them.

know by the same times like I forgive

Not for what they did, but to order to forgive, to move on,

them not for what they did but to order to forgive to move on not try to hold

not try to hold it against them, because we don't know what made them to do that.

against them because we don't know what

Cause they probably was going through something

made them to do that because they

they didn't know how to cope it.

probably was going through some things

The only way they cope it is doing drugs.

they didn't know how to cope it the only way that cope is doing drugs and drugs

And drugs don't get you nowhere, at all.

don't get you nowhere at all so that's

So that's how I feel and hurt and all that.

how I feel and hurt and all that so

- [Laita] So today you're living where? - [Gloria] In a tent.

today we're in a tent chatter that's

- [Laita] On Skid Row. - [Gloria] In the Skid Row, yeah.

good room in a skid row yeah using

- [Laita] And, using crystal meth.

crystal meth doing crystal meth what do

- [Gloria] Doing crystal meth. - [Laita] What do you do for money now? - [Gloria] I panhandle.

you do for money now I Panhandle or

Or only if I can't do what I need to do.

funny if I can't do what I need to do

I probably sell my body only like once or twice, that's it.

I probably send my body only like once

- [Laita] Oh. - [Gloria] That I, that I know of.

or twice that's it that I that I know of

And I'm scared to do that again. - [Laita] Yeah you should be.

and I'm scared to do that again yeah and

- [Gloria] Yeah. - [Laita] And do you have any family, or friends that you can go to, or?

your name family or friends I mean my

- [Gloria] I mean, my family, they kinda talk to me,

family they kind of talk to me but they

but they barely talk to me now

barely talk to me now because of my

because of my adoptive mom cause wherever she find out

adopted mom cuz wherever she if I know

what I do and the drugs that I do, they don't,

what I do and the drugs that I do they

my family don't mess with me cause

don't my family don't mess with me

the drugs I'm doing,

because the drugs I'm doing and they

and they want the best for me,

want the best for me but they don't want

but they don't want me around them. When I'm on drugs or, and stuff.

me around them when I'm on drugs or

They say if I could get myself clean, get the help I need,

stuff they saying if I could get myself clean get the help I need to order just

to order to just come back around the family. (cars driving by)

coming back around the fam

- [Laita] What do you think about your,

what do you think about your who is the

what was the biggest factor in your childhood

biggest factor in your childhood that

that kinda set you on this path, you think?

kind of set you like this path you think

- [Gloria] That made me - - [Laita] The molestation, or the -

that main station are there the whole

- [Gloria] The molestation. - [Laita] Or your mom not being around, or dad, or.

station I'm not being around there dad

- The molestation, cause I feel like a part of me is missing

the whole station cuz I feel like a part

but I can't actually know what about that but myself

of me is missing but I can't actually no worry about that but myself and my best

and my birth mom. Because ever since that day, what she did

mom because ever since that day what she

to me and my siblings. I been lost, unsure, don't know what's going on,

did to me and my siblings I've been lost unsure don't know what's going on I want

I want answers, but I don't know how imma get it though.

answers but I don't know how i'ma get it

though from her don't know if she's

Don't know if she's still alive or not.

still alive from not I was scared to

I'm scared to look for her, scared to know who she really is.

look for her scared to know who she really is

And I'm scared to be running up like her.

I'm scared to be running up like her I

I know I can do better.

know I could do better

And smarter than that.

he's smarter than that and doing

And do anything I could put my mind to. - [Laita] You're 21?

anything I could my mind so you're I'm

- I'm only 18. - [Laita] Oh you're 18.

only 18 we write you

And you have a boyfriend? - Yes, I do.

and you have a boyfriend yes I do he's

- [Laita] And he's good to you, or? How does that relationship?

good you were our relationship is really

- Our relationship is really good.

good we get annoying my hair in there

We get in an argument here and there, you know, a little ups and downs but you know, he always treat me right.

you know little ups and downs but you know he always treat me right he made

He makes sure I'm safe, you know.

And nothing harm me or none of that.

you know nothing harm me and then he's

He's the only guy that I ever trust that I could talk to.

the only guy that ever trust jacker to

Me and him been best friends for two years.

talk to me have been best friend for two

And I don't know where we finally found out that we had

years and I don't know where we finally

liked each other and then we got together.

found out we had like to each other and name we got together we were you like to

- [Laita] Where would you like to be in a couple years?

be in a couple years I'm get any plans

I mean you got any plans for doing anything

for doing anything to get officers off

to get off the streets? - That I haven't think of yet,

the streets that I haven't think of you

but I was thinking to put my poetry out there like that.

but I was thinking to put my poetry out

Or put it on Facebook, making something to put it out

there like that or put it on Facebook making something to put her out on

on Facebook to let everybody see on Facebook.

Facebook to let everybody see on

And let them know that never give up

Facebook and let them know that never

because if you give up, you don't know if you could achieve your goals.

give up because if you give up you don't know if you could achieve your goals

Cause how you gone achieve your goals

because how you're achieve your goals if

if you'll give up? Keep trying.

you give up keep trying even though if

Even though if you fail, get back up. And keep going.

you feel get back up and keep going

Whatever is in the past, whatever you been through

whatever is in the past wherever you

and it's not your fault.

been through it's not your fault just

Just keep going. And that's all I gotta say.

keep going and that's all I got to say

- [Laita] You've been living on the streets

even even let me on the streets for how

for how long now, since you? - Since I was 14. - [Laita] 14. - Til, til I'm 18 now.

long ago since I was 14 till till I'm 18

- [Laita] Yeah, how do you think that those four years

now yeah how do you think that this for

have affected you? - It affected me a lot, you know.

years have affected you it affected me a

But I'm staying strong as best as I can

lot you know but I'm staying strong the best

to order to let people know that I'm strong,

I can to order to let people know that

I could conquer my goals and not affect, not think about the pain.

I'm strong I could conquer my goals and not affect not think about the pain even

Even though I could feel the pain,

though I could feel the pain even though

even though I could think about it here and there,

I could think about it here and there

trying not to think about it best as I can.

try not to think about it best I can

- [Laita] All right Gloria.

right Gloria thank you for coming in and

Thank you for coming in and talking with me.

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