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Rubens!
¡ Ruben !
It's me.
¡ Yo !
Welcome to heaven!
Bienvenido al cielo...
God?!
¡DIOS!
I'm God. I came here to meet you, personally.
Si, soy Dios vine a recibirte personalmente ,
My son.
mi niño
Oh my God. It is... it is wonderful!
jajaja Dios mío estoy aquí... esto es...
This place is... Is incredible!
es ma... ¡es maravilloso! Ruben: este lugar es increíble
Everywhere I look.... there's a lot of cool stuff.
Dios: es la eternidad Ruben: todo lugar que observo
And you haven't even seen everything!
tienes cosas y... y mira, que aún no haz visto nada
It's just the beginning.
solo solo está comenzando
I'm gonna call a friend of mine who's gonna show you everything.
Voy a llamar a un amigo que te va a
Introduce you to heaven. Oh yes, I wanna know...
enseñar todo te introducirá en el cielo
How it all works... Oh, here he is, come here!
Ay Quiero conocerlo ... *Sonidos inaudibles* Adolf
Adolf, this is Rubens, he's just arrived.
Acercate aquí Adolfo , este de aquí es Ruben
So he wants to know the place, just remember that you've been in his position before
Hola Ruben Acabó de llegar entonces el quiere conocer recuerda que ya estuviste en esta posición
He wants to know every little hole in this place, you know...
el quiere conocer
Learn the rules and everything so he can get familiar with it.
todos los rincones eeehhh... y como funcionan las reglas
No. Excuse me.
para saber como... ¡NO! *???*
He's name is Hitler!
Su nombre es Hittler
Yes, Adolf Hitler...
Si... Si, Adolf Hitler
He's here in heaven?
¡¿Él está aquí en el cielo?!
Yes, he is...
Si, está acá en el cielo
Uhm look, not sure if You know but he was a horrible human being, you know...
¿Por qué? No se... el señor sabe pero el fue tan...
He's done some really nasty stuff.
un ser humano horroroso, ¿sábes? hizo muchas cosas, muchas...
Hey, I can understand you, alright?
espantosas Si... te entiendo, ¿sábes?
We don't have a language here, everybody understands everybody...
aquí no tenemos idioma
But Adolf, you see, Rubens has a point here, you really weren't that cool of a guy
todo el mundo se entiende pero vamos al punto bueno, Ruben tiene razón,
Weren't you? I think not. You did bad things? Yes you did.
no fuiste un hombre bueno ¿Fuiste bueno? No, no fui.
Let me explain. Here it goes.
Hice cosas malas... cosas malas
I know he was one of the worst human beings (yes), a monster...
déjame explicarte Entonces así... yo se que el fué uno de los peores Dios: seres humanos Ruben: lo fue
A a... a despicable being Yes.
un mounstro uh... uh... uhmm..
A lot.
ser despreciable
But look. He was a catholic.
Ruben: Si, lo fue... Pero dejame decirte Él... era católico
And before he died he asked for forgiveness.
y en la hora de su muerte...
And as you know how benevolent I am...
pidió perdón Yo tan benevolente,
I forgave him.
como soy... entonces, lo perdoné.
You also did some misdeeds, right?
¿Y tú nunca te equivocaste?
Yes I did... And didn't you ask for forgiveness too?
Mucho.
Yes I did ask. And didn't I forgive you? You are here now.
Dios: ¿Pediste perdón? Ruben: Pedí perdón Dios: Y te perdoné... ¿no estás aquí ahora?
Yes... you did forgive me. I'm not saying you didn't or anything.
Ruben: Pero, no... no estoy diciendo que no
But you see, proportionally...
Señor , lo se, eeeh... sin embargo,
But God never...?
proporcionalmente yo ... Pero Dios...
Never gives you more... than... you can bear...
Dios: no te da una cruz que no puedas... Ruben: te da cruz que no puedas... Dios: puedas cargar. Ruben: que no puedas...
You don't seem to remember the saying, but anyway...
... No te sabes el dicho
That's it. Alrighty, uhm...
no tiene importancia todo bien ehhh ...
Oh, I'd like to see my mother I'm really missing her
Bello eh ... quiero encontrar a mi madre,
Ah yes, let's see who awaits you here...
Ruben: echo de menos a mi madre. Dios: aaaah... Vamos a ver quien está esperándote
Inês Ushoa dos Santos, a short woman like this.
Inés Uchoa do Santos ,
Has a nice laugh and all.
una bajita así... que se ríe mucho ...
Yeah, about her... she kinda actually went to hell though...
Dios: ella fue para... ella la verdad se fué al infierno.
Uhm... but she's really catholic and all
... ¿eeeeh? pero era supercatólica ella...
Yeah, but it says here that she ate shellfish during her life.
Dios: Es que comió crustáceos
You can't eat shellfish? No, it's in the Old Testament, you're not allowed to...
durante su vida ¿No puede? No , está en el Viejo Testamento, no puede ...
OK, being serious though, she was a really nice person, always doing good deeds...
en serio... ella era una persona
She was great, I really cheered for her...
Ruben: que hizo todo bien Dios: era lo máximo
But every lobster she ate was like a stab at me.
Yo lo intenté mucho por ella pero cada langostino que comía
And rules are rules, right?
era una puñalada que yo recibía
Yeah... OK, let's see my father then. Your father, gotcha! Let's see...
y las reglas son las reglas ... entiendo... bueno mi padre, mi padre...
Carlos Ushoa dos Santos.
Carlos Uchoa do Santos
Hell.
Infierno...
My father is in Hell?!
¿Mi padre está en el infierno?
Yeah... he's also in Hell.
ehhh... lo mandamos al infierno también
Here it is... "Spoke the name of God in vain from time to time
ehhh, está aquí... dijo el nombre de Dios en vano algunas veces
and worked on holy days"
y trabajó en día santo
Aw, but he had 12 children to support...
Pero... tenía 12 hijos
I know, but what am I supposed to do?
pero que puedo hacer yo mi amor?
It's written in the Old Testament.
es que está escrito en el Viejo Testamento
It's explicitly saying what you are allowed or not to do. The person reading it strictly follows...
ahi dice que se puede y que no se puede , pero hay que leerlo quien lo lee, sabe que debe cumplirlo
I mean, I know. But I thought it was sorta open for interpretation...
Yo lo sé pero... yo creo que... en la vida todo tiene una interpretación ¿sabe?
No no... it's not like that.
Ruben: tiene algunas cosas que la gente puede conversar... Dios: No, ¿que interpretación?
If I say something like "this is white". The interpretation is "this is white"...
no tiene interpretación, por ejemplo: "Esto es blanco" la interpretación es que es blanco
I didn't wake Moses and Abraham all of a sudden
ya está Yo no llamé a Abraham o Moises de la nada
To ask for open interpretation. Otherwise I would've sent the... the 3 Little Pigs story...
para dar interpretaciones ... yo mandabaaaa la historia de ... da, da, do, do...
It's right there saying it should be strictly followed as it's written.
los 3 cerditos eso quiere decir... como está escrito... que deben seguirlo al pie de la letra
Alright...
es como es...
So let's, I don't know, meet some famous people Famous GOOD people
ahhh ... enton... entonces veamos será...
empecemos por algunas personas famosas...
I don't know, let's see... Gandhi! Where is he?
buenas personas famosas Dios: buenas
He was Hindu, so...
Ruben: Como... Gandhi , ¿está Gandhi? El era Hindú... entonces...
Martin Luther King? Protestant...
uhum... ¿Martin Luther King?
Pope John Paul II? He HAS to be here. We have very few people around here.
Protestante ... ¿Juan Pablo segundo? Juan Pablo tiene que estar aquí ...
Here's like a "petit" committee...
Aquí tengo muy poca gente, te digo, esto es como un comite pequeño
Well, then I think I don't know anybody here...
entonces No hay nadie conocido aquí ...
But let's check your family, there must be someone here (I know You haha)
Vamos a buscar a alguien de tu familia debes tener a alguin aquí.....
Here it is! Your great uncle is here. Aroldo.
A ver... Aaaaquí, tienes a un gran tío,
No. He molested me as a child.
Aroldo No. me molestó cuando era pequeño
Gee, but he repented, asked for forgiveness... But it was to you.
pero es que él se arrepintió... Pidió perdóooon...
He never asked for MY forgiveness... I just think this is not an apology to...
para usted... para mí no pidió
You also need to know how to forgive I'm starting to think maybe someone needs
basta pensar en la forma en que... Eres , eres capaz de perdonar tu también... comenzando ya...
to take a short trip to the purgatory to... Anyways, let's see what happens.
tal vez alguien necesite un pequeño castigo en el purgatorio Ruben: No...
I remembered!
Dios: en fin , vamos a ver que sucede.
There's a historical figure you're gonna love.
Recuerdo una figura histórica
Adolf, go get Mussolini for us!
¡que te encantará! ... Adolf , llama a Mussolini
He's hilarious!
para nosotros él es muuuy gracioso ...
Rubens?! Aren't you recognizing me?
¿Ruben? Ruben: ¿Uhm? Persona: ¿No recuerdas mi rostro?
It's me man! The cable TV technician
!Soy yo, el técnico del cable!
that used to schedule a home visit but never showed up
tenía anotado ir a su casa pero nunca lo hice
Claudio right? Yeah!
Claudio ¿no?
Ahh... I was talking about you right now
eso Ruben: aaaaam. Claudio: Estaba hablando de tí ahora
with a traffic officer friend of mine Lauro, you know him?
con un inspector de tránsito amigo mío Lauro, ¿sabes quien es ?
No... I guess I don't know...
No se quien es
He towed your car like... 4 times dude.
el remolcó tu auto como cuatro veces ,
His wife works as a notary public that you used to hire...
hombre su esposa trabaja en la oficina de registros en la que abrió su empresa
Really nice to have you here man...
jaja es muy bueno tenerte aqui hombre
Ah-well...
aay ay... buuuffffffff
That's about it...
así es ...
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