Apocalypse Right NowYouTube↗  IA↗(long shot)
Comedy  727.6K views 17.6K likes 169 dislikes   14 Jan 2016
Just Between Us 615K subscribers N/A YouTube↗


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<i>Intro music</i>
[úvodní hudba]
<i>Wind noises</i>
[zvuk větru]
<i>Explosion</i>
[exploze]
What happened?
Co se stalo?
I don't know!
Já nevím!
You forgot to pay the electric bill?
Zapoměla si zaplatit za elektřinu?
Yes, but bills don't matter anymore.
Ano, ale na tom už nesejde.
We're in the apocalypse.
Tohle je apokalypsa.
Define "apocalypse".
Definuj "apokalypsu".
The complete and utter destruction of the world!
Kompletní destrukce světa.
This is so exciting!
To je vzrušující.
I thought it would happen when I was much older and less spry.
Myslela jsem že se to stane až budu starší.
<i>Sigh</i>
[povzdech]
Where's your "End of Days" kit?
Kde je tvoje výbava na "konec světa"?
I don't have an "End of Days" kit
Nemám výbavu na "konec světa"
That's all right. I've buried a few around the city.
To je v pořádku. Zakopala jsem jich několik po městě.
We'll pick one up on the way to the vista.
Vyzvedneme si jednu ve "vista".
You wanna watch a movie while the world is ending?
Chceš sledovat filmy, když končí svět?
<i>laughs</i>- No! Movies don't work anymore.
[směje se] Ne! Filmy už nejsou.
The vista is just my pre-arranged disaster meet-up point.
Vista je jen předem připravené místo pro apokalypsu.
Have you never read our emergency procedure sheet?
Copak jsi nikdy nečetla ceduli s tím, co dělat v nouzi?
<i>background screams</i>
1) Sehnat výbavu na konec světa. 2) Dostat se do "Visty". 3) Zapomenout na nyní vyhynulé fakta o pohlaví a sexualitě. [Křik v pozadí]
Okay, I don't feel any more prepared having read that.
Dobře, necítím se připraveně, i když jsem to četla.
Ah, give the end of the world a chance, Allison.
Dej konci světa šanci, Allison.
We finally toppled the patriarchy... along with everything else.
Konečně jsme svrhly patriarchii... spolu se vším ostatním.
I can't come! .... My hair is still wet.
Nemůžu jít! Moje vlasy jsou stále mokré.
Allison, you're going to have to worry about a lot
Allison, budeš muset uvažovat o hodně
worse things than that, now that there's no technology.
horších věcech, teď, když neexistuje žádná technologie
and some of your friends might try to eat you.
a někteří tví přátelé se tě pokusí sníst.
Actually, no thank you. That's not for me.
Vlastně, ne díky. To není nic pro mě.
The cannibalism? Yeah, that's a last resort.
Kanibalismus? Ano, to je poslední možnost.
No, the apocalypse.
Ne, já myslím apokalypsu.
I'm not meant to survive it.
Nejsem určena ji přežít.
I can barely survive regular life
Sotva přežiji normální život
as an entitled white lady!
jako bíla žena.
What are you saying?
Co to povídáš?
I want you to kill me.
Chci abys mě zabila.
<i>intense music</i>
[dramatická hudba]
That's just the shock talking!
Jenom mluvíš z šoku.
Look, you're going to adapt to the new world, okay?
Podívej, zvykneš si na nový svět, dobře?
You didn't even like the old world!
Stejně jsi neměla ráda ten starý svět.
Gaby, if my hair doesn't dry soon, I'm going to pass out from hypothermia.
Gaby, jestli mi brzo neuschnou vlasy, zemřu na podchlazení.
I can't go an entire day without talking to my parents,
Nemůžu přežít jediný den bez toho, abych mluvila se svými rodiči.
I hate bugs!
Nesnáším hmyz.
Bugs?
Hmyz?
Yes! Everyone knows that when there's a
Ano! Všichni ví že když je
natural disaster, bugs will take over.
přírodní pohroma, hmyz převezme svět.
I can't live among them.
Nemůžu žít v jejich přítomnosti.
I won't serve them.
nepoddám se jim.
What do you want me to do?
Co chceš abych udělala?
I don't know, what do you got?
Nevím, co máš?
There's a screwdriver in here...
Je tu šroubovák...
That seems really messy.
To zní hodně špinavě.
Why don't you just suffocate me with a pillow?
Proč mě prostě neudusíš polštářem?
I mean, I could try...
No, mohla bych to zkusit...
But you might fight me and you might win.
Ale mohla by ses pokusit mě přeprat... a možná bys vyhrála.
I won't try to fight you.
Nepokusím se tě porazit.
Yeah, it's like basic human instinct.
Ale ano, je to základní lidský instinkt.
See, that's a thing I think I'm missing.
Vidíš? To je věc kterou asi postrádám.
You know it's really fucking unfair that
Víš že je to kurva nefér
the first thing you would ask me to do
že první věc kterou bys po mně chtěla v novém světě
in the new world is kill my best friend.
je zabít svou nejlepší kamarádku.
Well, I think it's really shitty
No, já myslím že je docela sráčský
that you only care about you.
že myslíš jen na sebe.
The apocalypse is your thing, not mine.
Apokalypsa je tvoje věc, ne moje.
You're the most selfish person I've ever met!
Jsi ten nejvíc sebestředný člověk, kterého jsem kdy poznala!
Yes, I am. I'm the most selfish person
Ano, ano jsem. Jsem ten nejvíc sebestřední člověk
and I don't think bisexuality is real
a nemyslím si že bisexualita je opravdová
and I think you look better as a brunette!
a myslím si že jsi hezčí jako bruneta.
Oh, now you're making this easy!
Oh, teď to děláš snadné.
<i>intense, glorious music</i>
[dramatická hudba]
What happened?
Co se stalo?
Hmm... Could be a malevolent alien invasion.
Mohl by to být nepřátelský útok mimozemšťanů.
Taking over the power grid?
Kteří zabrali rozvod elektřiny?
Let me check Twitter.
Počkej, zkontroluji Twitter.
Ugh, just a downed power line.
Ugh, jenom spadl elektrický sloup.
No one else seems to have been affected.
Zdá se že to neovlivnilo nikoho jiného.
Huh! Alright, well, I gotta go finish blowdrying
Hah! Dobře, dosuším si tedy vlasy
my hair or else it'll get frizzy.
nebo budou kudrnaté.
That'd be a real disaster.
To by byla skutečná katastrofa.
<i>outro music</i>
[hudba na konec]
Allison, did you eat my apple sauce?!
Allison, snědla jsi moje jablečné pyré?
I'm going to kill you!
Já tě zabiju.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
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