SEX ADVICEYouTube↗  IA↗(long shot)
Comedy  514.2K views 14.8K likes 110 dislikes   13 Oct 2016
Just Between Us 615K subscribers N/A YouTube↗


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I need sex help.
I brauche Sex Hilfe.
Okay.
Ok.
No, I need sex help from you.
Nein, ich brauche von dir Sex Hilfe.
Good one.
Sehr lustig.
I'm serious. You're the only one who can help.
Ich mein es ernst. Du bist die einzige, die mir helfen kann.
What?
Was?
I'm still alive.
Ich leb noch.
Yes, you are cold-blooded and alive, which is why I need your advice. It's Carly. She has a horrible fetish.
Ja, du bist kaltblütig und lebendig, weswegen ich deine Hilfe brauche.
What?
Es ist Carly, sie hat einen furchtbaren Fetisch. Was?
You're still alive and you called a fetish horrible.
Du lebst noch und du hast einen Fetisch furchtbar genannt.
Yes, normally I am sex positive but Carly's thing is unheard of. She wants to have the kind of sex you have.
Ja, sonst bin ich sexpositiv, aber Carlys Sache ist neu. Sie will deine Art von Sex haben.
Infrequent?
Unregelmäßig?
No, she wants to have the kind of sex I imagine you have if, slash, when you have sex.
Nein, sie will so wie du Sex haben, wenn/ falls du Sex hast.
Straight sex?
Heterosex?
Alison! Carly wants to have... loving sex.
Allison! Carly will zärtlichen Sex haben.
Oh! I love loving sex, because it leads to love which leads to engagement which leads to marriage.
Ich liebe zärtlichen Sex. Der führt zu Liebe, was zu Verlobung führt, was zu Heirat führt.
Ugh! Okay, please don't be so vulgar.
Ok, bitte sei nicht so vulgär.
Just go back to the sex part, okay? How do I have it?
Komm wieder auf den Sexteil zurück. Wie mach ich das?
Oh, I don't wanna talk about that.
Oh, darüber will ich nicht reden.
Drop the Victorian act, Raskin. I need you, this is life or death.
Lass das viktorianische Gehabe, Raskin, Ich brauche dich, das ist lebensgefährlich.
Not really, loving sex is actually super safe... If you use a condom.
Nicht wirklich, zärtlicher Sex ist sehr sicher, mit einem Kondom.
Carly is very hot. Mega-hot. Evan-Rachel-Wood-with-short-hair-hot.
Carly ist heiß, sehr heiß, Evan-Rachel-Wood-mit-Kurzhaarfrisur-heiß
Wow, this girl is so hot you're willing to get into loving sex with her? That's huge.
Die Frau ist so heiß, dass du gewillt bist zärtlchen Sex zu haben?
Please. I definitely would not ask, okay? But you're my only normative friend.
Bitte, ich würde sonst nicht fragen. Du bist meine einzige normale Freundin.
Alright. My advice is simple.
Ok. Mein Ratschlag ist einfach.
Go slow, make a lot of eye contact, and whisper nice things into her ear.
Mach langsam, viel Augenkontakt, und flüster ihr nette Sachen ins Ohr.
What kind of nice things?
Was für Sachen?
I dunno, stuff like: "Your hair smells pretty,
So was wie: Deine Haare riechen gut,
and I can't wait to buy a home together in the future."
ich kann es nicht erwarten, in der Zukunft ein Haus mit dir zu kaufen.
Ugh, and she'll like that?
Das wird sie mögen?
Yeah! You can also stroke her face gently as foreplay and say:
Ja! Du kannst ihr Gesicht auch während dem Vorspiel sanft streicheln und sagen:
(whispering) "I like you more than Gaby."
Ich mag dich mehr als Gaby.
That always really works for me.
Das wirkt bei mir immer.
It just seems so demeaning.
Das erscheint mir so erniedrigend.
Hey, stop being so judgemental about people's sexual preferences.
Hey, hör auf über die sexuellen Vorlieben von anderen zu urteilen.
If I have to be okay listening to you anal beading in the next room,
Wenn ich damit klarkommen muss, anal beading aus dem Zimmer zu hören,
you sure as shit can gently make love to a woman you actually care about.
dann kannst zu zärtlichen Sex mit einer Frau, die zu magst, haben.
Right, anything that's consensual is okay.
Stimmt, alles das einvernehmlich ist, ist ok.
You say that all the time, so open your mind.
Das sagst du immer, also lass dich drauf ein.
And the eye contact is...?
Und der Augenkontakt ist..?
Non-negotiable.
nicht verhandelbar.
Yuck...
Igitt.
Normal people are...too much.
Normale Leute sind echt zu viel.
I love it when you call me normal.
I liebe es, wenn du mich normal nennst.
I feel like you're holding back.
Ich hab das Gefühl, du verschweigst mir etwas.
No.
Nein
What aren't you telling me?
Was verschweigst du mir?
You can't handle it.
Du kannst damit nicht umgehen.
I once banged an entire Mid-Western family over the course of one summer, Allison,
Ich hatte mal einen Sommer Sex mit einer ganzen Mid-Western-Familie.
so I think I can handle anything.
ich glaub, ich kann mit umgehen.
Fine.
Ok.
The secret to loving sex isn't the sex itself. It's what happens after.
Das Geheimnis von zärtlichem Sex ist nicht der Sex, es ist, was danach kommst
No...
Nein...
Yes, Gaby. If you want to make Carly yours forever, you have to–
Ja. Wenn Carly für immer die Deine sein soll, musst du
Don't say it!
Sag es nicht!
Cuddle.
Kuscheln.
Mmm, I can't do this.
Das kann ich nicht.
Wait! I need to explicitly describe pillow talk to you!
Warte, ich will dir Bettgeflüster genau beschreiben.
I'm gonna puke!
Ich muss kotzen!
Picture this! Everyone's wearing clothes and talking about their feelings.
Stell dir vor! Alle sind angezogen und reden über Gefühle.
Ooh! Sign me up.
Oh. Ich bin dabei.
(outro music)
MUSIK
How'd it go?
Wie war's?
Great. I told her if she's not getting what she wants from me,
Super. Ich habe ihr gesagt, wenn sie von mir nicht das Richtige bekommt,
she can get it from somewhere else. So...
soll sie es woanders suchen. Also..
Expect a call from an 818 area code.
Erwarte einen Anruf von einer 818-Vorwahl.
Ugh, I think you might be a psychopath.
Ich glaube, du bist ein Psychopath.
(sigh) But I'm not done with the book yet.
Aber ich bin mit dem Buch nicht fertig.
Oh wait, you're in the book.
Oh, du bist in dem Buch.
(outro music)
MUSIK
Oh, hopes and dreams, tax returns, all sorts of good stuff.
Hoffnungen und Träume, Steuerabrechnungen, all das Gute.
(Gaby groans off-screen)
(Gaby stöhnt auf)
I love talking about taxes in bed. (laugh)
Ich liebe es, im Bett über Steuern zu reden.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
Untertitel der Amara.org-Community
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