One-Sided BreakupYouTube↗  IA↗(long shot)
Comedy  983K views 21.7K likes 159 dislikes   15 Oct 2015
Just Between Us 615K subscribers N/A YouTube↗


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<i>(Notice: some captions are shortened)</i> <i>(funky sting)</i> <i>(dramatic sting)</i>
JBU presenta Separación unilateral
I think I need to break up with Eric.
Creo que tengo que dejar a Eric.
Ok. Does one boob look bigger than the other in this pic?
Bueno. ¡Hey! ¿Se me ve una teta más grande que la otra en esta foto?
Yes.
Sí.
Dope!
Genial.
Did you hear what I said?
¿Escuchaste lo que acabo de decir?
I'm going to make a life changing decision!
¡Estoy al borde de tomar una decisión que puede cambiar mi vida!
Not really changing, Allison.
Tampoco exageres, Allison...
You've been together for three months, and he was out for the most.
Llevan saliendo tres meses, y él estuvo de viaje la mayor parte de ese tiempo.
Sure, but...three months in romantic Allison time
Claro. Pero, medidos en tiempo romántico de Allison, tres meses
...are a year and a half of a well adjusted person.
equivalen a un año y medio de relación con alguien normal.
That's very true...
Eso es muy cierto. ¿Qué pasó?
What happened? I texted him that he doesn't understand my feelings.
La mandé un mensaje de texto diciendo que siento que él no considera ni entiende cómo me siento...
You're upset about...being upset.
Te molesta estar molesta...
Yes...and he hasn't written back, the anxiety is building in me,
¡Sí! ¡Porque todavía no contesta, y la ansiedad que se formó en mi pecho
and I think that I'm dying!
me va a matar en cualquier momento!
You're not dying.
No vas a morir.
I wanna be dead!
¡¡¡Quiero morirme!!!
Don't yell at me!
¡No me grites!
See? This isn't good.
¿Ves? Esto no es bueno.
I can't properly handle this type of one-sided relationship.
No soy buena manejando este tipo de relaciones unilaterales.
You don't know how to handle any relationship.
No eres buena manejando ningún tipo de relación.
Do you think I don't know that? I'm every guy's nightmare!
¿Crees que no sé eso? ¡Soy la peor pesadilla de todo hombre!
Oh, and every girl's nightmare.
...Y la peor pesadilla de toda mujer.
Hey, Eric isn't perfect either!
¡Hey! Eric tampoco es perfecto.
Yes, I don't like him.
Lo sé, me cae mal.
Unavailable and distant all the time.
Nunca está disponible, y me trata de manera distante...
Isn't he one that works long hours?
¿No es un abogado que trabaja muchas horas?
Sure, but he can't be too busy to say “I love you”...
Sí, pero no puede estar taaan ocupado como para no decir "te amo".
Wow, you're saying “I love you” after three months?
¡Guau! ¡¿Se dicen "te amo" a los tres meses?!
Is one of you dying from cancer?
¿Alguno de los dos tiene cáncer?
I'm not crazy for wanting to plan for the future!
¿Estoy loca por planear cosas a futuro?
Yes you are, you put too many expectations on everything.
¡Sí, porque pones demasiadas expectativas en todo!
Can't you live and... enjoy what you have?
¿No puedes dejarte llevar y disfrutar de lo que tienes ahora?
I just want some form of stability!
¡Sólo quiero alguna forma de estabilidad!
You will never get that because you hold everything to impossible standards,
Bueno, no vas a conseguir eso, porque siempre estás comparando las cosas
and no one's ever good for you!
con tus estándares imposibles, ¡y, así, nadie va a ser lo suficientemente bueno!
So I don't have to break up with him?
Entonces, ¿no crees que deba separarme de él?
Not unless you dislike him as person, which I do.
No, a menos que te disguste como persona, igual que a mí.
I think you're right, I'm being too hard on him.
Tienes razón, quizás estoy siendo demasiado severa con él.
I mean, he's a lot of fun...
O sea, es divertido...
most of our problems come from me being too insecure.
y la mayoría de los problemas de la relación vienen de mis inseguridades...
That's not his fault. I need to work on that.
Eso no es su culpa, soy yo la que necesita trabajar en eso.
We should get back together.
Creo que voy a volver con él.
Were you ever broken up?
¿Alguna vez se separaron?
I'm gonna call him now. Hopefully he will answer.
Lo voy a llamar ahora mismo, con suerte, responderá.
But even if he doesn't...I'll be okay. Because we had this talk. <i>(melancholic melody)</i>
Pero, incluso si no responde, todo está bien, porque tuvimos esta charla.
He answered, everything is fine! Want to get a pizza with us?
¡Respondió! ¡Todo está bien! ¿Quieres ir con nosotros a comer pizza?
(whines) No, I need to recover.
¡No! Todavía tengo que recuperarme.
Oh, are you okay?
¡Oh! ¿Estás bie...
I need some space! <i>(groovy music)</i>
¡¡¡Necesito privacidad!!!
Did you just block me on Instagram?
¡¿Me bloqueaste en instagram?!
You're a trigger for me, now.
Me hiciste enojar.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community
Subtítulos por la comunidad de Amara.org
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